Citizens Jokes - page 2

Thank You Note

A Junior High School in Memphis, Tennessee sponsored a luncheon for the residents of a senior citizens home. The principal of the school received the following Thank You note. * * * Dear Reyer School: God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens’ luncheon. I’m 94 years old and live at the Memphis County Home for the Aged. My family has long since passed away and I rarely have visitors. As a result, I…

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Jury Duty for Mom

After 40 years, Mother finally got her citizenship papers and proudly registered to vote. Well, Mother received a notice to report for jury duty; and, to our surprise, was not only selected for a jury, but was elected the foreman. It was a criminal case. A husband had shot his wife’s lover, but only grazed his arm. The jury was out for over four hours before returning. Everyone waited with bated breath, as the judge asked my mother whether the…

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The Bill of No Rights

The following was written by State Representative Mitchell Kaye from Cobb County GA: We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional, and other liberal,…

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Actual Letters

The Welfare Department received these letters from American citizens: 1. I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead. 2. Unless I get my husband’s money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life. 3. I want money as quick as I can get it, so I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn’t do me any good. If things don’t improve I will have to send…

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Cynic’s Dictionary

ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION: Procreation without recreation. BOOKCASE: A piece of furniture used in America to house bowling trophies and Elvis collectibles. BULIMIA: Retched excess. CHIC: Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence. CLIQUE: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses. CONSULTANT: A jobless person who shows executives how to work. DENTURES: Two rows of artificial ivories that may be removed periodically to frighten one’s grandchildren or provide accompaniment to Spanish music. DNA:…

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