Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A hooker has decided to retire after many years of service. She does not want to spend the remaining years of her life alone, so she decides she wants to get married. She had so many perverted man in the past that she wanted only a virgin male about her age to marry. She put out a worldwide ad in search of a virgin male around 55 years old. After a few months and thorough background checks she decided on…
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Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.” Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a timeout. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it. The…
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The following exchanges are taken from transcripts of allegedly true 911 calls. ———————————————- Nobody Knows Me …. Caller: “I’d like to make a unanimous complaint, so don’t use my name.” ———————————————- Deer Roadkill … Caller: “I’m reporting a deer on the road. I almost hit it.” Call-taker: “Is the deer alive?” Caller: “Oh, no, it’s run over. Many, many cars. Again and again, and – OH NO!!! NOT AGAIN!” ———————————————- This Is A Recording… Not. Caller: “Am I talking to…
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Four doctors who hadn?t seen each other since their surgical residencies met at a medical seminar. Adjourning for dinner and drinks, they turned their conversation to who makes the best surgical patients: The first said, for sure, electrical engineers. ?You open ?em up,? he contended, ?and everything is color-coded.? ?Nah,? said the second. ?It?s librarians. You open ?em up and everything is alphabetized.? The third scoffed. ?Of course not,? he said. ?It?s accountants. You open ?em up and everything is…
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Thursday’s Schedule for the new Fall Television season: NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30 Girlfriends 9:00 One Guy with Several Female Friends 9:30 My Gay Friends FOX 8:00 Real Humans in Real Pain 8:30 Feral Dingoes Eating Children on Tape 9:00 Jiggle It Beach 9:30 LA Chicks 10:00 Beverly Hills 90210: The 90,210th Episode UPN 8:00 The Unwatchables 8:30 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Ratings 9:00 Theoretically Existing Show 9:30 Praying For Syndication 10:00 The Last Thing You’d Ever Want To…
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If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that’s more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps outward to squirt blood 30 feet. A pig’s orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (Lucky Pig!) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Still not over that pig thing!) Humans, whales and dolphins are the only species that have sex for…
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A couple had been married 50 years and were celebrating with a champagne breakfast. Joe, the husband, looks across the table at his wife Marion with a gleam in his eye and says “Do you remember what we did at our first breakfast after we were married?” Marion smiles and says, “Well, I think we didn’t even put our nightclothes back on after our honeymoon night. If I remember right, we had breakfast together stark naked.” “How about we do…
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1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere. 2. It’s best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory. 3. You can do it with no hands, but it’s best not to try it until you have a lot of experience. 4. It’s easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience. 5. You can do it by yourself, but it’s usually not as much fun. 6. It’s usually hard…
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Cover charge: $15.00 Round of drinks: $23.00 Table dance: $30.00 Another round of drinks: $23.00 Couch dance and tips: $50.00 A round of shots: $34.00 Private dance in your hotel room: $300.00 Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain: PRICELESS!!! Some things money can’t buy, for everything else there’s MasterCard!
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If cigarettes are “coffin nails” is chewing tobacco “coffin glue”? If a “bakers dozen” is 13 is a “politicians dozen” 11? When it says “Sodium Free” is the product free of sodium or are they not charging you for the salt? What was the best thing before sliced bread? After a desert sandstorm do trucks go around and put ice on the roads? If a couch potato eats french fries is it considered cannibalism? If two lovers share the same…
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