Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
The clerk asked me, “Cash, check or charge?” after ringing up my purchase. As I fumbled through my wallet, she noticed a remote control for a television set in my purse. “Do you always carry your TV remote when you go shopping?” she asked. “No,” I replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the best way to get even with him!”
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A loving couple was celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, privately, at home with a couple of bottles of champagne. A bit tipsy and feeling very intimate the husband turns to his wife and asks, “Tell me truthfully, have you ever been unfaithful to me?” “Well,” she replied, “since you ask, to tell you the truth I have been unfaithful on three occasions.” “What? How could you?” “Let me tell you about it,” she said. “The first time was back when…
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Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. I am in shape. Round is a shape. Time may be a great healer, but it’s also a lousy beautician. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Stupidity got us into this mess — why can’t it get us out? Even if you are on the…
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Dear Lord: So far today, I am doing alright. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or self indulgent. I have not whined, bitched, cursed, or eaten any chocolate. I have not charged on my credit card. However, I am going to get out of bed in a few minutes and I will need a lot more help after that.
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A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of the yonder tree,” sighed the pheasant, “but I haven’t got the energy.” “Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull. “They’re packed with nutrients.” The pheasant pecked at a lump of do-do and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day,…
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You Might Be a Computer Geek If… You may have heard of Jeff Foxworthy’s humorous dialogue about rednecks, well, this is a twist on his style of humor. You might be a computer geek, by Jeff Foxqwerty. You might be a computer geek: 1 If you have 20/20 vision, and still can’t C… 2 If You buy a car and ask what version it is instead of model… 3 If the biggest purchase of your life happens at least once…
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An extremely well endowed receptionist was primly seated at the front desk of a leading provider of Internet services and help. As was the policy of the Company – there were no dress codes allowed. Knowing that she might be able to attract a future husband in this well situated position and knowing that she would not be chastised for her appearance, she elected to wear a rather low cut blouse when she was at work. One day a very…
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A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. “Guaranteed like heck,” he thinks to himself, “But let’s see what they think they can do.” He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he…
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A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking into her purse, she commented, “That’s funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are 20 $1 bills. The boy quicky replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”
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3 men are held hostage by the army. The army officer in charge says, “Have any of you got any last words?” The first guy says, “Earthquake!” so the whole army hid and the man jumped over the wall and ran away. Then the second man said, “Hurricane!” so the whole army again hid and the man jumped over the wall and ran away. Then it was the third mans turn, and he thought a while, then he said, “Fire!”…
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