Cha cha cha Jokes - page 34

You know you’ve been online too long when…

Tech Support calls “YOU” for help. When you are reading something printed, you wish you could use a search function to get to the point. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say “LOL.” When you reply to someone verbally, your fingers start typing your response. You check your e-mail over and over, even when you know there’s nothing there. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. You have called out someone’s screen name while making…

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Read JokeYou know you’ve been online too long when…

Kiwi Joke

Two Kiwi’s are working on a building site in Auckland. Phul (Phil) & Muck (Mick). Anyway Phul turns to Muck & says, “Cawww I’ve gotta take a piss, but there’s nowhere to go, eh.” “Walk out to the ind of thit plank,” replies Muck. “I’ll stand on this ind & balance ut.” “Are you sure, Muck?” “Yis, no worries” “100%?” “YIS!” So out goes Phul to take a piss & the lunch siren sounds, Muck forgets what he’s supposed to…

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PROM DRESS

Julie Adams had just turned Sweet Sixteen and was praying that Jeff would ask her to the Junior Prom. When he finally did, it was the happiest day in her life. She told her mother she would need a strapless dress for the Prom, so Mrs. Adams loaned Julie her credit card and sent her off to Gowns Unlimited for the purchase. Julie picked up her new dress the morning of the Prom and it was perfect. Her only concern…

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The Usual Suspects

It’s a murder mystery. Can you finger the perpetrator? A workman was killed at a construction site. The police began questioning a number of the other fellow workers. Based on past scrapes with the law, many of the following workers were considered prime suspects: * The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged. * The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time. * The glazier went to great panes to…

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Read JokeThe Usual Suspects

Best Man For The Job…Or Not

BEST MAN FOR THE JOB It is time to elect a world leader, and your vote counts. Here’s the scoop on the three leading candidates. Candidate A: associates with ward heelers and consults with astrologists. He’s had two mistresses. He chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day. Candidate B: was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of brandy every evening. Candidate C: is a decorated war hero.…

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Save Me, Sister!

Two miliary policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from the military base. The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent. He saw a nun seated on a round bench beneath a tree quietly reading a book. He said to her, “Quick Sister, please hide me. I don’t want to be drafted, and the M.P.’s are chasing me!” She lifted up her skirt and said, “Quick! Hide under here.” The two policemen came by and asked if she had seen…

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How You Spend Your ‘DASH’

I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombsone From the beginning…to the end. He noted that first came her date of birth And spoke the following date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years. (1900-1970) For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth.. And now only those who loved her Know…

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Read JokeHow You Spend Your ‘DASH’

Computer Help Desk Horror Stories

1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter…

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Read JokeComputer Help Desk Horror Stories

Best T- Shirts of 1998

“Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time.” “Learn from Your Parents’ Mistakes — Use Birth Control” “My Designated Driver Drove Me to Drink” (Over a sketch of the Titanic) “The Boat Sank. Get Over It” “I Didn’t Drive My Husband Crazy — I Flew Him There — It Was Faster” “Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups” “Aunt Em: Hate You. Hate Kansas. Taking the Dog. Dorothy” “MEN: No Shirts,…

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Read JokeBest T- Shirts of 1998

Your Mama

Yo mama so stupid so thought that Old English 101 was a class. Yo Mama so poor that they only get two channels: Off and On. Yo Mama’s house is so small her Welcome mat only says “WEL.”

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Read JokeYour Mama