Bu Jokes - page 82

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one particular drummer. He had talked and talked and talked with this drummer, but his performance simply didn’t improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, “When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer.” A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: “And if he can’t handle even…

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“Dear Dad,” read the young soldier’s first letter home. “I cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I shot a polar bear….” Several months later came another letter. “Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I danced with a hula girl….” Two weeks later came yet another note: “Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the polar bear and shot…

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A guy walks into a bar with his pet alligator. He lifts the beast up onto the bar and turns to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal”, he says. “I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the ‘gator will close his mouth for one minute. When he opens it, I’ll remove my genitals intact. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will agree to buy me a drink. Deal?” The crowd all…

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This man walks into the patent office, places an apple on the desk and says, “I want to patent this apple.” The patent officer informs him that he can’t get a patent on an apple. The gent says, “Taste it.” The officer tastes it and with mild surprise states, “It tastes like an orange. Unfortunately, it still can’t be patented.” Not willing to give up yet, the man asks him to turn it around and taste the other side. The…

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