Bu Jokes - page 52

More ‘Why aren’t you married yet?’ COMEBACKS!

“I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.” “Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.” “My co-op board doesn’t allow spouses.” “I’d have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.” “They just opened a great singles bar on my block.” “I wouldn’t want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.” “I guess it just goes to prove that you can’t trust those voodoo doll rituals.” “What? And lose all the money I’ve invested…

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Meanest, Toughest Cowboy

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins. The first one says, “I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is! Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands.” The second one can’t stand to be bested. “Why that’s…

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Who Did It?

The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge, goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny, as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, and if little Johnny said that…

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Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in the forest and her mother said “You’d better not go out tonight, Little Red Riding Hood, because the big bad wolf’s out and you know what he’ll do; He’ll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and f**k your little red socks off.” But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said, “Don’t worry Mum, I’ve got it covered.”…

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Finkelstein, the Tailor

Jesus is wandering around Jerusalem when he decides he really needs a new robe. After looking around, he sees a sign for ‘Finkelstein, the Tailor.’ He goes in and Finkelstein prepares a new robe for him, which is a perfect fit. When Jesus asks how much he owes, Finkelstein brushes him off: “No, no, no, for the Son of God? There’s no charge! However, may I ask a small favor? Maybe whenever you give a sermon you could just mention…

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Goodbye, Charlie

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the American Ambassador to France threw a gala dinner party at the Embassy in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was chatting with Madame deGaulle. “Madame,” she began, “Your husband has been such a prominent figure in the world for so long, first as a great General, then as President of the Republic, now as a statesman, what are you most looking forward to in your retirement years?”…

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Bob and Larry

Bob and Larry were out chopping wood one day. As they were chopping, Bob slipped and cut off his arm. Picking it up and placing it in a bag, Bob and Larry went to the Doctor. The Doctor looked at the situation and stated, “This should not be a problem. Reatatching an arm is easy. Larry come back in an hour.” So Larry left too chop some more wood. Thirty minutes later he went back to the Doctor, who told…

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Staying Focused

During the 1957 World Series, Yankee catcher Yogi Berra noticed that Hank Aaron grasped the bat the wrong way. “Turn it around,” Berra said, “so you can see the trademark.” But Aaron kept his eye on the pitcher’s mound: “Didn’t come up here to read. Came up here to hit.”

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The Painting

One day, there was a blonde in a museum looking at the paintings, when she noticed one that made her speechless, as she stared studying it very closely, she assumed it to be a Picasso, but then a guy knocked her out of the way and starting combing his hair in front of it.

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