Bu Jokes - page 30

Martha Stewart Holiday Calendar December 1 Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards. December 2 Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine. December 3 Using candlewick and handgilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener. December 4 Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim. December 5 Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself. December 6 Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee…

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It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher greeted the class and said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said, “Give me Liberty, or give me death?” She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up, “Patrick Henry, 1775,” said the boy. “Now,” said the teacher, “Who said ‘Government of the people, by the…

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One evening, Dr. Watson paid an unexpected call on Holmes. “Is he expecting you?” asked the housekeeper. “No,” said Watson, “but I just need to speak with him for a minute.” “I don’t know what he’s up to,” said the housekeeper, “but he left very strict instructions not to be disturbed until nine o’clock”. “I’ll wait downstairs in the library,” replied Watson. A few minutes later, Watson heard the unmistakable sound of girlish laughter coming from the detective’s bedroom, followed…

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The sky was dark The moon was high The wind did fade All alone, she and I Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine I didn’t know how But I tried my best I started by placing My hands on her breast I remember my fear My fast beating heart But slowly she spread Her long…

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