Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Fox hunts are still very popular in England. Once, by mistake, a female dog, in heat, was placed in the pack. An observer asked, “How’s it going? An official replied, “Well, I can’t tell for sure yet, but I think the fox is running about fifth.”
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A desperate man walks into a talent agency and starts bragging, “Boy, have I got an act for you, wait till you see this. I got a talkin’ dog!” The agent is skeptical, but his curiosity gets the better of him, so he says, “OK, bring him in.” So the dog comes in and the man says, “Ok boy, what’s on top of a house?” The dog says, “Rrrroooff!” “Good boy,” said the man, “Now how does sand paper feel?”…
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The following are direct quotes taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians: By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it had completely disappeared. She has had no shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.…
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10. I think of you as a brother.(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in ‘Deliverance.’) 9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (I don’t want to do my dad.) 8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes on.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m…
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Danny McGuire came home from work to find his lovely bride sitting in the living room still in her bathrobe. “Kate, my wife,” he says, “whatever is the matter? Yer still in yer robe.” “Ah Danny,” says she, “tis poorly I’m feeling. I didn’t know what to do so I called Doc McDonald. ‘I’ll need a specimen,’ he says and hung up. Danny, I don’t know what a specimen is.” “Ah lass, I don’t know either, but if you high…
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Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Warning: Do not use while sleeping. (Gee, but that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On…
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Dad: Come in here, son. we need to talk. Billy: What’s up, Dad? Dad: There’s a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it? Billy: I don’t believe, if I understand the definition of “scratch the car”, that I can say truthfully that I scratched the car. Dad: Well, it wasn’t there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch? Billy: Well, as…
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Santa Claus: An engineer’s perspective I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each. II.…
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A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?” The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.” With that, the father went to the telephone an dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?” The man answered, “There is no one living here named Melvin.…
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Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus, we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled. –=[|]=– A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back,…
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