Bu Jokes - page 269

Scaffolding accident

Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer. “So did you tell her?” asks Jeff. “Yep”, replies Bob. “Say, where did you get the six-pack?”…

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The Amazing Dog!

A young boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him. “Hmmmm,” he wonders, “How am I gonna get more dough?” Then he gets an idea. He calls his father. “Dad,” he says, “you won’t believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they have a program here that will teach Fido how to talk!” “That’s absolutely amazing!” his father says. “How do I…

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B for Band Class

The summer band class was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The Sixth Graders, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Tommy, could stand it no longer. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its demise. “Is it a bee?” another student asked. “Nope,” Tommy replied. “Bee flat.”

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Worst Ever First (and Last) Date

This was on The Tonight Show September 7, 1999 Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The following won. She said it was snowing and cold and the guy took her skiing. It was just a day trip. They had never been out together before. The day went OK until they were coming back that afternoon. They were driving home and she suddenly had to pee urgently, but still…

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How They Do It In The South

One hot, summer afternoon in Alabama, Ma and Pa are sitting on the porch swing, rocking to and fro. Then Pa turns to Ma and says, “Screw you, Ma.” A minute passes by when Ma says to Pa, “Screw you, Pa.” Another minute passes by and Pa says to Ma, “Screw you, Ma.” Again another minute passes by and Ma says to Pa, “Screw you, Pa.” After a couple of minutes pass by, Pa says to Ma, “You know something,…

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old man never been to the doctor

An old man had never been to the doctors before but something went wrong and he had to go. As he stepped into the doctors office a snotty receptionist slid back her window and said can I help you? He said I’d like to see the doctor. Well sir whats wrong with you. Not knowing any better he said, somethings wrong with my dick. She got mad an reminded him of women and kids in the office. She said you…

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Suppository Prescription

A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor examines him and gives him a prescription for suppositories. “Take two of these a day and come back in two weeks”, said the doc. After two weeks, the guy returns and the doctor says, “Well, how did that medicine I prescribed work for you?” The guy says, “Doctor, for all the good those damned things did me, I coulda shoved ’em up my butt!”

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Rectal Thermometer

A doctor walks up to a teller to pay a bill at the bank. He reaches into his top pocket to pull out a pen to sign a cheque but instead pulls out a rectal thermometer. The teller looks at him strangely as the doctorsays, “some asshole has got my pen.”

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