Bu Jokes - page 237

New Car

There was this guy named Joe. Ever since he was born, he has always been 2nd at everything. His baby stroller was always slower than the other kids’, his tricycle was old and rusted and had wobbly wheels, his first bike was a piece of junk, his first car wouldn’t go over 35 m.p.h. So Joe resigned himself to a life of slowness, never able to win a race in his life. Until one day, when his rich uncle died…

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A dialogue between God and Moses

God: And remember Moshe, in the laws of keeping Kosher, never cook a calf in its mother’s milk. It is cruel, Moshe (Moses): Ohhhhhh! So you are saying we should never eat milk and meat together. G: No, what I’m saying is, never cook a calf in its mother’s milk. M: Oh, Lord forgive my ignorance! What you are really saying is we should wait six hours after eating meat to eat milk so the two are not in our…

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Play Ball!

Bill Clinton was in Kansas City for his Social Security gathering yesterday and afterward was at the Royals home opening game to throw out the first pitch. It seems that Major League Baseball has outlawed spitballs but slimeballs are still allowed.

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Johnny’s Magic

Little Johnny is walking down the laneway one morning with something cupped in his hands. An old farmer sitting on the porch sees him coming and wonders what he is up to. “Hey little Johnny, whatcha got there in your hands?” Johnny replies, “Got me a bullfrog…goin to town to get me a bull.” The old farmer just chuckles. A short while later, here comes Johnny leading a bull. The old farmer scratches his head in amazement. Next day, here…

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny is sitting in a buth at dairy queen all dressed up in his cowboy suit and two guns in his pocket. The waitress walks up to him and asks him what he wants he says : I want a sunday. The waitress ask if he want wip cream .he pulls his guns out of his pockets and says yeah! The waitress asks him if he wants nuts on his sunday he pulls his guns out of his pockets…

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A very smart bird..

A guy walks into a bird store, and right near the front counter is a big bird in a cage. On the cage is a note that reads: Here is Harry, the worlds most religous bird. The most religous bird? the customer asks. The store owner says, sure If you pull Harry’s left leg he will say the Hail Mary. The guy says this can’t be true, but the store owner says, go ahead and pull it. So he does,…

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Tech Support for Wives

Dear Tech Support: Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software, severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower, and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SundayFootball…

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Rabbi Visit

A Rabbi went out one Saturday to visit his members. At one house it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the Rabbi had knocked several times. Finally, the Rabbi took out his card and wrote “Ezekiel 44:16” on the back of it, and stuck it in the door. (They shall enter My house, and they shall come near My table, to minister to Me.) The next day, the card turned up in…

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A Few Random Thoughts

If foreign films are so good, how come they don’t make them in this country? Definition of an optimist: an accordian player with a beeper. Old age is when you tell a friend you’re having an affair and he says, “That’s wonderful! Who’s the caterer?” Part of the trouble with doing nothing in life is that you never know when you’re through. Tractor pulls were invented so professional wrestling fans would have someone to look down on. Opieology: a religion…

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What the Amish Saw

One day two guys in a truck were driving down the road and their were 2 Amish men behind them. The passenger of the truck says, “I gotta take a crap.” The driver says, “You just did back at the truck stop!” The passenger sticks his butt out the window and takes a crap! The crap lands on one of the Amish men. The other one said, “What kind of chewing tobacco did that guy spit on you?” He said,…

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