Bu Jokes - page 231

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business, much like own, opened up right next door to him and erected a huge sign which read, “BEST DEALS.” He was even more horrified when another competitor opened up one on his right and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading, “LOWEST PRICES.” The shopkeeper started to panic, until he got this idea…..He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop, and it read…………”MAIN ENTRANCE.”

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TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her TO IMPRESS A MAN: Show up naked. Bring beer.

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OFFICIAL BABY BOOMER EXAM Answers below 1. “Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your ________________.” 2. The “battle cry” of the hippies in the sixties was “Turn on; tune in;________________.” 3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, “Who was that masked man?” Invariably, someone would answer, “I don’t know, but he left this behind.” What did he leave behind?__________________ 4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and…

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One afternoon, a woman is getting on a bus with her newborn baby. The bus driver looks at the lady and replies, “Damn, Woman, that’s the ugliest baby I have ever seen in my entire life!!!” The woman, somewhat distraught, proceeds to the back of the bus, where she is questioned by a fellow rider. “Why do you look so down?” asked the man. The woman begins to tell the man about the bus driver and the rude comment he…

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Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer. All of a sudden the driver notices lights flashing in his mirror; the cops are on his tail. His buddy says, “What are we going to do?” The driver says, “Don’t worry. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, peel the labels off our beer bottles and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Then shove the bottles underneath the seat, and let…

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The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came into the bar,…

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One thing that has always bugged me is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this: Me: Hello? AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T… Me: Is this AT&T? AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T… Me: This is AT&T? AT&T: Yes This is AT&T… Me:…

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Ole, Lena and Sven were lost in the woods of Northern Minnesota and were becoming desperate, having run out of food several days ago. It was winter, the snow was deep, their situation was looking very bleak. When Ole dug down into the snow to look for nuts, he found an oil lamp and upon rubbing it to get the snow off, a genie came out. The genie says, “I am da great genie of Nordern Minnesooota and I can…

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One day Mother sent my little brother to the post office to mail a letter. A few minutes later, he came back with a suspicious smile on his face. “What happened?” my mother asked. “I just fooled the people at the post office. When no one was looking, I dropped the letter into the box without buying any stamps.”

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