Bu Jokes - page 217

Rules For Women

1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. 2. Remember, you are known by the idiot you accompany. 3. Don’t imagine you can change a man, unless he’s in diapers. 4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? SHUT THE DOOR! 5. So many men — so many reasons not to sleep with any of them. 6. If they put a man on the moon, we should be able…

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We’ll cross THAT bridge…

There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and “whip Clarence’s butt.” He left…

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Pack ‘O Dogs

A bunch of country dogs, out for the first time in the big city happen upon a long street lined with parking meters. At the sight of these unusual meters one country dog looks to another and says, “well wouldja lookit that, them thar are pay toilets.” not funny, but honest

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Waiter…. Oh Waiter!

Customer: Waiter! There is a fly in my soup! Waiter: Don’t worry sir, the spider in the bread will get it. Customer: Waiter! There is a spider in my soup! Waiter: Don’t worry! The frog should surface any moment now. Customer:Waiter, There’s another fly in my soup. Waiter: Now, there is a fly that knows some good soup. But if you insist I will get you the fly swatter. Customer: What is the fly doing in my soup? Waiter: It…

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Tired Blonde

Once there were three girls on a deserted island. There was a red head, a brunette, and a blonde. Acorrding to their calculations, they were only 20 miles away from mainland. The brunette said, “I can swim pretty far. I am going to try to get to the mainland”. So she gets in the water. She swims 5 miles and gets tired and drowns. The red head gets in the water and tries the same thing. 5 miles, 10 miles,…

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40th Birthday

An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, for there in front of him was a huge cake, with 40 marzipan eyes! The guest, asked him why he laughed, and after some minutes…

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Nightmares

A little boy woke up crying and ran to see his mother. “Mummy, Mummy. A voice came to me in my sleep. It said that my grandmother would die today.” The mother comforted him and told him not to worry, it was only a dream. But when he came home from school, he found his mum crying. She said that her mother had died a few hours ago. That night the voice returned. This time it said that the house…

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towel drop

A woman had just gotten out of the shower where husband is now. She hears a knock at the door and without thinking of the towel around her being the only thing covering her she answers it. At the door stands her husband’s friend John. “Yes, can I help you?” she asks. “Well”, replies John, “I’ll give you $150 to drop that towel of yours!” Overwhelmed by the offer she blushes, but decides she could use the money so agrees…

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