Bu Jokes - page 178

3 Foreigners in a Bar

An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They all are talking about how much there lives suck, and how much the bars in their respective home towns are better. Then the Irishman says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!” The others agree that sounds like…

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Mechanical Problems

An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. “Ma’am, I’m not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.” “Oh, I’ll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.” “That’s fine. Another thing, ma’am. I don’t like the way that one rein loops across the horse’s back and around one of…

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Restroom De-lights

A male pastor walked into a neighborhood pub to use the restroom. The place was hopping with music and dancing until people saw the pastor. As the room quieted down, he walked up to the bartender and asked, “May I please use the restroom?” The bartender replied, “I really don’t think you should.” “Why not?” the pastor asked. “I really need to use the restroom!” “Well, I don’t think you should because there is a statue of a naked woman…

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Divorce: Disney Style

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are getting a divorce after several years of marriage. When they are standing before the divorce court, the presiding judge gives his ruling on Mickey Mouse’s divorce petition. The judge says, “Mr. Mouse, I’m afraid I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie Mouse.” “What? How come, your Honor?” asks a surprised Mickey Mouse. “Well, there is nothing in your petition for divorce to support your claims that Mrs. Mouse is crazy.” explains the judge.…

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Bill and Saddam

Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam’s chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face. Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed.…

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golf etiquette

Three guys, a father, son, and grandfather go out to play a round of golf. As they are on the way out to the first tee they are joking, bullshitting, and cussing, very much the men’s day out. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says that her partner didn’t show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is a really beautiful…

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BLONDE VISITS DOCTOR

“What seems to be the problem, Miss Appleby?” inquired the doctor. “Look at my ears, doc. They’re both burnt.” “My lord, how did that happen?” “I was ironing when the phone rang, but I mistakenly put my ear to the iron instead of the phone.” “How awful, but what about the other ear?” “The bastard called back.”

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family planning

A man went to the store and bought a few eggs for his breakfast but when he got home, he found all the shells empty. He went to the shopkeeper to ask for an explanation. The shopkeeper checked all the eggs in the shop and surprisingly they were all empty too. Perplexed, both of them went to the poultry farm to check where this problem was actually taking place. They found a hen that had just laid an egg, but…

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Mellowed Mom

I have five siblings . . . three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my mom about how she had changed as a mother from her first child to her last. She told me she really had mellowed quite a lot over the years . . . “When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance.”

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What are you?

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, “What kind of ‘ese’ are you?” The Japanese confused, replied, “Sorry, but I don’t understand what you mean.” The American repeated,”What kind of ‘ese’ are you?” Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, loudly repeated, “Jeez, how tough is this — what kind of ‘ESE’ are you? Are you ChinESE or…

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