Body c Jokes - page 32

Guys and Gals difference in Vocabulary

THINGY (thing-ee) n. female: Any part under a car’s hood. male: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another. male: Playing football without a helmet. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner. male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys. BUTT (but) n. female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes “look…

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Texans

The Top 39 Things You Would NEVER Hear A Texan Say: 39. “I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex”. 38. Duct tape won’t fix that. 37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken. 35. We don’t keep firearms in this house. 34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer? 33. You can’t feed that to the dog. 32. I thought Graceland was tacky. 31. No kids in the back of the pick-up,…

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Jeffery

Jeffery was a maintenance man for a big-time broadway production company. He was the guy who went around sweeping the floors after hours. One day, though, Jeffery was approached by one of the big time directors, a man dressed all in black, with a megaphone hung limply in his left arm. “Jeffery,” he said, “I have some news for you. We’re putting on a gigantic production about the Civil War tomorrow. One of my men came down with the flu…

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Scaffolding accident

Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two hours he returns, carrying a six-pack of beer. “So did you tell her?” asks Jeff. “Yep”, replies Bob. “Say, where did you get the six-pack?”…

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lets get drunk

Three men were in a bar getting drunk,an Italian,a German and an Irishman Well the bartender told them that if they bought 6 beers they’d get 2 beers free The Italian jumps up and says thats ridiculous back home at Vinnie’s bar you buy 4 beers and he’ll give you 2 free beers! The German stand up and shouts “thats crazy, back home at Wilhelm’s if you buy 2 beers you get 6 beers for free!” Well the Irishman jumps…

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vet

a man takes his dog to the vet and asks why he is so ill.The vet replies your dog is very old,i think we’ll have to put him down.The man says,ive had him fifteen years,hes my best buddy,i want some tests done! The vet replies,okay we’ll give him a blood test. The results come back suggesting the dog has to be put down and the vet tells him this.The man says i’m not happy about it,can we run more tests?…

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Little Old Ladies

Once upon a time there was a little old man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror and was admiring his body (it’s a man thing), when he noticed that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis. He decided to do something about it. He promptly went to the beach, completely undressed, and buried himself in the sand,…

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3 kids in class

There were three students in a classroom. A white boy, a black boy, and a Mexican boy. The teacher said, “Now, everybody make a sentence using the words chees and liver.” The white boy went first and said, “Last night for dinner I ate some cheese and liver.” Then the black boy said, “My brother stole some cheese and got shot in the liver.” Last, the Mexican boy said, “Cheese me sister so liver alone.”

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Brain Cell Differences in the Sexes

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells which, over nine months, develop into a complete female baby. The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead. Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cells necessary to develop a male’s reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female. Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications…

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Arkansas Folks

A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee queer. The bartender looks up and says, “You aint from around here, are ya??? Where ya from, boy?” The guy says, “I’m from Iowa.” The bartender asks, “What the heck you do in Iowa?” The guy responds, “I’m a taxidermist.” The bartender asks, “A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?” The…

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