Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A man passed away and went to Heaven. Upon arriving at the pearly gates, St. Peter said, “Come on in. I’ll show you around. I really think you’ll like it here.” Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.Surprised at how Heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter “what’s the deal with all the clocks?” St. Peter replied, “they keep track of everybody on…
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Q. How is a blonde and a racetrack alike? A. Everbody has burnt their rubber on them.
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God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I’m older….here’s what I’ve discovered: 1. I started out with nothing .. I still have most of it. 2. When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran? 3. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. 4. Funny, I don’t remember…
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Subject: Theories on anything Date: 12/29/98 **************************************** A contest was held for people to submit their theories on just about any darned thing they wanted to. Below are the winners. **************************************** RUNNER-UP: Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people’s ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out. RUNNER-UP: Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms…
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A man was in an Australian pub bragging about his dog and how it will only obey his commands and nobody elses. One man said, “What’s your dog’s name?.” “Jake,” said the owner. The man said, “I bet you one hundred dollars and twelve pitchers of beer that I can make your dog do what I tell it to.” “Ok, you’re on!” said the owner, and they shook hands on the deal. The man picked up the dog and threw…
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Similarities between Santa Claus and System Administrators: 1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny. 2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal. 3. Santa seldom answers your mail. 4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he’s got, he says, “Elves make it for me.” 5. Santa doesn’t care about your deadlines. 6. Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves. 7. Nobody…
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Midget walks into a bar, throws a five dollar bill on the table and says to the bartender, “Give me a five dollar shot of your best whiskey! And who’s the toughest son of a bitch in this bar tonight?” The bartender pours the midget a nice healthy shot of Crown Royal and says, “Well, I’d say the large fellow at the end of the bar is the toughest son of a bitch in this bar tonight.” Well the midget…
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There was going to be a national Miss Ebonics pageant. Everything was great except that nobody wanted to be Idaho.
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A priest, a minister and a rabbi have a talk one day. The priest says, “Once I went to Jerusalem to see the Holy Land and suddenly there was a terrible storm at sea. Everybody prepared to die but I started to pray to the Lord and a wonder had happened: everywhere it was still storm but there was nothing around the ship and we got safely to the land.” “That’s quite a story,” says the minister, “Actually something like…
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An elderly parish priest became unhappy with the things he was hearing during Saturday confessions. After his sermon one Sunday morning, he said to his congregation, “I’m tired of hearing so many people tell me in confession that they have cheated. For thirty years, people have been saying to me ‘I have cheated with Anthony… I have cheated with Mary… I have cheated with Frankie.’ I am sick and tired of hearing this word. From now on, when you come…
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