Bit by bit Jokes - page 9

ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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Crazy Engineers

A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the “craziest” thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child’s toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost…

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Halloween Ball

Sam is very self-conscious about his bald head and his wooden leg, so when he receives an invitation to a Halloween Ball, he wants to wear a costume that will hide or minimize both. He dashes off a note to Brooks Brothers, explaining his need and his concerns, and in a few days receives a package with the following note. “Dear Sir: Enclosed is a pirate costume. The red handkerchief will cover your bald head, and your wooden leg will…

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Meanest, Toughest Cowboy

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins. The first one says, “I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is! Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands.” The second one can’t stand to be bested. “Why that’s…

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Irish Pigs

Two Irishmen Patrick (said Paa-truck) and Michael (said My-cal) decided that they wanted to do something for their environment. So they each bought a pig to keep in their neighbouring back yards; the pigs would eat all the food scraps and provide manure for the garden. After buying the pigs at market both Irishmen were worried that they may get mixed up about whose pig was whose. Patrick say to Michael, “I tell ya wot Michael, I’ll cut the right…

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Rolling…

A man is in a grocery store, just strolling around. And after a few minutes a clerk sees him and goes to ask if he can give him any assistance. The man replies, “No thanks, I’m just here to buy some tampons for my wife…” So the clerk leaves him alone and returns to his till. A while later the same man walks up to the till carrying a big bag of cotton, and some string. So the clerk asks,…

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Baby Talk

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they begin to get ready for bed but the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife in the bathroom, “My little boopey-boo, I’m lonely.” As the woman crosses her room to the husband, she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says,…

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Male Bashing

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough. Q: Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven? A: Because if they all went, it would be Hell. Q: Why do men like smart women? A: Opposites attract. Q: How are husbands like lawn mowers? A: They’re hard to…

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Elderly Spinsters Will

An elderly spinster called a lawyer’s office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about having a will prepared. The receptionist suggested they set up an appointment for a convenient time for the spinster to come into the office. The woman replied, “You must understand, I’ve lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don’t like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?” The receptionist checked…

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Technically Speaking

Clinton died and went to heaven-or to be more accurate-approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “It’s me, Bill Clinton” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. I guess I had extra-marital…

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