Women…
What’s the difference between a woman on the back porch, screaming and bitching, and a dog on the front porch barking and yapping? The dog shuts up when you bring it inside.
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Bit by bit Jokes - page 21
tombstone revenge
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on their anniversary day. The husband gave his wife a gift, a tombstone, with the inscription: HERE LIES MY WIFE…. COLD AS EVER Later the furious wife bought a return present, also a tombstone, on which the inscription read: HERE LIES MY HUSBAND… STIFF AT LAST
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VIRUS ALERT! Watch out for these:
CLINTON VIRUS Gives you a 7 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory. VIAGRA VIRUS Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy. LEWINSKY VIRUS Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then emails everyone about what it did. RONALD REAGAN VIRUS Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. MIKE TYSON VIRUS Quits after two bytes. OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS Your 300 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to 200MB. DR. JACK…
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Assertiveness Gains
At the 1998 World Women’s Conference the first speaker from England stood up and said, “At last years’ conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. “After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had…
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McDonald’s Fast Food Job Application:
DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I’m worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON…
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a guy and an alien at a bar
There is a guy sitting at a bar. After a little bit, an alien walks in and sits next to him. The alien has a few drinks and leans over to the guy and touches him with his finger and says “zap.” The guy ignores him the first couple of times. After a while though, he starts to get annoyed. First he asks the alien to stop, then starts demanding, then the guy threatens to pull the alien’s pants down…
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Wal-mart Dianogstic Computer
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe say’s to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money.” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars…a lot cheaper than a doctor.” So Joe…
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A True Story: Real Genius
Here is a great historical instance of out-of-the-box thinking: The renown British physicist Ernest Rutherford was known as the father of nuclear physics. When he was a professor at an English university, he got a call from a colleague who asked if Rutherford would be a referee on the grading of an examination question. This fellow professor was about to give a student a zero for his answer to a physics question while the student claimed he should receive a…
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Three Bar Bets – much better version
A man in a bar said to the bartender, “I’ll bet you a hundred bucks I can bite my own eye!” The bartender, convinced this was impossible, accepted. The man pulled out his false teeth, bit his eye gently with them, and replaced them in his mouth. The bartender was pretty upset, but paid the $100. A few minutes later, the man approached the bartender again. “Look,” he said, “I’ll give you a chance to win that hundred back. I’ll…
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Nuns get a flat tire
A group of nuns were traveling in a car when it got a flat tire. They got out and tried to change it, but being rather unworldly did not know how to do it. Luckily, a truck came along and the male driver offered to change it for them. They gladly accepted. As the trucker jacked up the car, it slipped from the jack. “Son-of-a-bitch,” he yelled. The eldest nun said to him, “That is not nice language. We understand…
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