Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
You know those “special offers” that “you would be CRAZY to turn down”? Here’s how you might wish to respond to them: —————————————- To Whom It May Concern: Thank you for your recent e-mail to me. It was good hearing from you and reading your advertisement As information, I am a reasonably healthy male, over 40 years of age. If you sent me the ad/offer regarding how I may “enlarge my breasts,” I think I’ll pass, if you don’t mind.…
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A deeply religous and wealthy man visited the Vatican and was standing by the road when the Pope came by in the Popemobile. The Pope looks over to him, stops the car, gets out and walks directly towards him, filling the man with joyousness. However, as he reached him, the Pope steps to one side and whispers in the ear of a tramp sitting behind the man. Seeing this, the wealthy man is a bit miffed but an idea forms…
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1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings…they did it by killing all those who opposed them. 2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation. 3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security. 4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. 5. Artificial Intelligence is…
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During recess, Little Johnny was seen crying in the corner of the classroom. So his teacher Mrs. Smith approached Little Johnny to ask why he was crying. Between sobs, Little Johnny said, “Billy hitted me in the head!” Being a teacher, Mrs. Smith could not resist correcting Little Johnny’s grammar. So she said, “Billy hit me in the head.” Little Johnny then stopped crying and smiled as he said, “You too? Boy, that Billy is in BIG trouble now!”
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In case your frustration level rises today, this is for everyone who occasionally has a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone: I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a telephone call that I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, “Hello?” I politely said, “This is Patrick Hanifin and may I please speak to Robin Carter?” Suddenly the phone was slammed down on…
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Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them, “Tonight’s specials are chicken almondine and fresh fish.” “The chicken sounds good; I’ll have that,” Hillary says. The waiter nods. “And for your vegetable,” he asks. “Oh he’ll have the fish,” she replies.
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As you know, there is a possibility of another outbreak of swine flu during the upcoming months of flu season. In order that you may be on the alert for indications that you or members of your family may have contracted the Swine Flu Virus, you should be aware of the following symptoms associated with this disease: 1) Sore throat 2) Slight headache 3) Moderate to high temperature 4) Nausea or upset stomach 5) An uncontrollable urge to screw in…
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Sing this to the tune of John Lennon’s song “Imagine” : Imagine there’s no Windows, It’s easy if you try. No fatal errors or new bugs To kill your hard drives. Imagine Mr. Bill Gates Leaving us in peace! Imagine neverending hard disks, It isn’t hard to do. Nothing to del or wipe off And no floppy too Imagine Mr. Bill Gates Sharing all his money. You may say I’m a hacker, But I’m not the only one. I hope…
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President Bill Clinton was addressing a group of school children and explaining the importance of choosing precisely the right words to express your thoughts. He asked the class if someone could give an example of the word Tragedy. A little boy raised his hand and said “If two children were having a catch and the ball rolled into the street and one of the children ran after it and got killed by a car, that would be a tragedy”. The…
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A homeless drunk scrapes up all his change one day and heads for his favorite liquor store. He places $5.00 in change on the counter and says, “Max give me four bottles of the cheapest ripple ya got!” Eager with his score, he immediately downs all four bottles and passes out in an alley. Along about 1:30am a disgruntled fag happens by after striking out at the local gay bar. Spying the passed out drunk, he decides to relive himself.…
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