vending machine
What does Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common? “Insert Bill here”
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Bil Jokes - page 13
the lawyer joke, but funnier
A man was walking along the beach when he saw a half buried ornate bottle. He picked it up and after examining it closely, removed the decorative stopper. As expected, a cloud of smoke blew out and a Genie appeared. The Genie informed the man that he was now the Genie’s master and was granted three wishes, but with a rider attached. The Genie proceeded to announce that his previous master was Bill Clinton and his third wish was for…
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Technically Speaking
Clinton died and went to heaven-or to be more accurate-approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “It’s me, Bill Clinton” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. I guess I had extra-marital…
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A Guide to ‘Help Wanted’ Ads
Ever look at the Help Wanted ads and wonder what they REALLY mean? Here is our guide to Job Search Lingo: “Competitive Salary” We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition. “Join our fast-paced company” We have no time to train you. “Casual work atmosphere” We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. “Some overtime required” Some every night and some every weekend. “Duties will vary”…
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Health Warnings
Due to increasing products liability, beer manufacturers have accepted the Medical Association’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all alcoholic drink containers: Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker. Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.…
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The Gas Station
A doctor pulls his Mercedes into his local Shell station, fills up and goes inside to sign his charge ticket. As he’s signing, the attendant looks down and says, “Hey doc, you can’t sign the bill with that, it looks like a rectal thermometer!” The doc looks in his hand and says, “Oh shit, some asshole must have my pen.”
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All that is….
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. “Goodness,” says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awakening, the little guy says,…
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The Cunning Miser!
Once upon a time in US of A, there was a stingy asshole, Mr.XYZ who used to never pay the driver for the cab he had hired; he just tells the driver that his cab won’t face any problems for a couple of months and that he will pray for the well-being of the cab-driver and his family. So all the cab drivers got together and vowed that who so ever takes Mr.XYZ for a ride and does not get…
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Santa Claus is a WOMAN!
I think Santa Claus is a woman…. I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It’s as if they are all frozen in some kind of ebenezerian Time…
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Southern Sayings…..
SOUTHERN SAYINGS….. 1. “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.” 2. “It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.” 3. “He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.” 4. “Have a cup of coffee, it’s already been ‘saucered and blowed.’” 5. “She’s so stuck up, she’d drown in a rainstorm.” 6. “It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.” 7. “My cow died last night so I don’t…
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