Bet Jokes - page 59

Gambling

A fellow was about to enter a bar when a dog said to him, “Hey, mister! Wanna make some quick money?” The man couldn’t believe his ears. He said to the dog, “Can you talk?” “Yeah,” the dog answered, “and that’s how we can pick up some easy money. You take me into the bar with you, pretend I’m your dog, and bet everybody I can talk.” The fellow thought that was a great idea, so he took the dog…

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The Big Game Hunter

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognise any animal’s skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too much for the other…

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New Word Creation

A big-city newspaper asked readers to take any word from the dictionary and alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some of the winners: ———————————— “Reintarnation” Coming back to life as a hillbilly. ———————————— “Foreploy” Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. ———————————— “Giraffiti” Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. ———————————— “Sarchasm” The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it. ———————————— “Inoculatte”…

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Evils of Television

A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. “It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things,” he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. “We put our TV away in the closet.” “That’s right,” his wife mumbled, “and it gets awfully crowded in there.”

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Got a weedeater?

One day a man from Alabama comes to Georgia to get an education. He goes to the first professor he sees and says, “What can you teach me?” Shocked, the professor answers, “Well, I can teach you about the power of reasoning.” With a questioned look on his face, the man replied, “What’s that?” “I’ll give you an example,” said the professor. “Do you have a weedeater?” Although the question seemed strange, the man answered, “Yes, I do” “Well, if…

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Driving in China

I have always been a critic of Seattle driving, but recently I had a chance to see how others drive in far away countries, such as China. Since then, I have developed a profound respect for how we drive here in the Northwest. Why? What could be so bad about the driving in China? Here is a collection of short observations I have made riding in the Great Country of China. While Driving in China……………………… Traffic signals are (how should…

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IRS Forms

The main difference between the Internal Revenue Service short form and long form: When you use the short form the government gets your money. When you use the long form, your accountant gets it.

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Reasons for allowing drinking at work

1. It’s an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communication. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don’t care.…

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A true story…

A true story . . . . When Apollo Mission Astronaut, Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous “One Small Step for Man, One Giant Leap for Mankind” statement, but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he reentered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, “Good luck, Mr. Gorsky.” Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some…

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The birth of a candy bar

The birth of a candy bar. One day Mr. Big was feeling down on himself so he took Mrs. Hershey to the Pot o Gold motel on Fifth Ave. He began to feel her Mounds. That was pure Almond Joy. Then she she squeezed his big Turk and grabbed his M n M’s. That made him Snicker and he put his ButterFinger into her Milky Way. She screamed, “You’re even better than the Three Musketeers!” A few months later, she…

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