Bet Jokes - page 19

Bigger Boobs

A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then…

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Useful Work Phrases

How about never? Is never good for you? I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. I like you. You remind me of when I was…

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HOW ABOUT THESE SIMPLE JOKES….

HOW ABOUT THESE SIMPLE JOKES…. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have phones. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They’re trying to get away from the noise. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than…

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75 Things NEVER To Say To A Man With A Small Penis

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it’s cute. 3. Stop fingering me. 4. I’m sorry. 5. Who circumcised you? 6. Why don’t we just cuddle? 7. You know they have surgery to fix that. 8. It’s more fun to look at. 9. Make it dance. 10. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that. 11. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 12. It looks like a nightcrawler. 13. Wow, and your feet are so…

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58 things a Woman should never say to a Man

1. I’ve smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it’s cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don’t we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that. 6. It’s more fun to look at. 7. Make it dance. 8. You know, there’s a tower in Italy like that. 9. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 10. It looks like a nightcrawler. 11. Wow, and your feet are so big. 12. My last boyfriend was 4″…

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Mushrooming

While hiking in the countryside, my friend, Eva, and I spotted a huge bed of mushrooms that we knew to be edible. We gathered a large basketful and sauteed them that night. My husband, Dick, refused to eat them, thinking they might be poisonous. Two weeks later, Eva and I gathered some more mushrooms. This time, Dick joined us. “How is it that you’re eating the mushrooms tonight,” I asked, “when you wouldn’t touch the ones we brought home two…

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Lil Johnny wants a new Bike

Little Johnny was so rotton that his mother didn’t know what to do with him. It was getting close to his birthday and he was demanding a new bicycle. His mother told him that he had been so bad during the year that he wasn’t going to get ANYTHING. He whined and complained and stamped his feet–demanding the bike. His mother, in desperation and just trying to shut him up, said, “Why don’t you write a letter to Jesus and…

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