Bee bee Jokes - page 65

Hair cut in the city

A country boy has come into some money and decides he will go to town. Having never been to town before he strolls up and down the streets looking at the stores, when he comes to a barber shop. “Well,” he says. “I have never had a city hair cut, I think I will get one.” He goes in and sits down and the barber says, “What can I do for you?” Country boy says, “I want the works, everything,…

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Glad to Be a Man

I’m glad I’m a man, you better believe. I don’t live off of yogurt, diet Coke, or cottage cheese. I don’t bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to – north, south, east or west. I don’t get wasted after only 2 beers, and when I do drink I don’t end up in tears. I won’t spend hours deciding what to wear. I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair. And…

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You may be a net addict if…

1.)Your dog has his own webpage… 2.)You refer to your friends by their internet names instead of their real ones… 3.)Half of your friends you’ve never met in person…. 4.)You use abbreviations like LOL and SMP in normal conversation… 5.)Your real mail box hasn’t been open months while you check you e-mail once every 15 minutes… 6.)The computer chair has the imprint of your butt in it… 7.)Due to your eyes being constantly bloodshot, others you know think you have…

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Happy Announcement

The blonde had been married about a year when one day she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy. Not knowing exactly how to react, the husband started jumping up and down along with her. “Why are we so happy?” he asked. “Honey, I have some really great news for you!” she said. “Great!” he said. “Tell me what you’re so happy about.” She stopped jumping and was breathless from all the jumping up and down. “I’m pregnant!”…

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Dancin’ At The Disco

Once upon a time, Sam The Clam and Myrtle The Turtle fell in love. Sam Clam, as Myrtle would call him, owned a discotheque and every night both would dance and dance until the wee hours of the morning. One early evening, tragedy struck and Myrtle The Turtle passed away and went to heaven. When she arrived at the pearly gates, St. Peter gave her the customary angel’s wings, a halo, and a harp, and evaluated her life. “Myrtle, you…

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Walking on Water

Jerry had heard a family rumor that his father, grandfather and even his great-grandfather had all “walked on water” on their 21st birthdays. So, on his 21st birthday, he and his good friend, Brian, headed out to the lake. “If THEY could do it, so can I!” Jerry told Brian. Jerry and Brian arrived at the lake and rented a boat. They paddled out to the middle. Jerry stepped off the side of the boat…and almost drowned! Furious, he had…

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Dear Lord

So far today, God, I’ve done all right. I haven’t gossiped, haven’t lost my temper, haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or ever-indulgent. I’m really glad about that. But in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on I’m probably going to need a lot more help. Thank you, in Jesus name, Amen.

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Read JokeDear Lord

TONS of Blonde Jokes

1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…

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First Aid Training

“How come you’re late?” asks the boss as John Swiftless comes walking through the door, about a half hour late for his shift at the plant. “It was awful!” John explains. “I was walking down Oak Street, and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he’d been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that First-Aid course! All…

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