Bee bee Jokes - page 37

Corporate Buzzwords for 2000

Corporate Buzzwords for 2000 Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn’t work out obsessively. Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves. Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. Cube Farm:…

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Crisis At The White House

A senior White House aide walked into the Oval Office to find all the president’s men standing around looking so worried and President Bill Clinton was not around. So the senior aide walked over to the Chief of Staff to ask what was the matter. The Chief of Staff sighed and said, “Today’s been nothing but bad news and worse news!” “What’s the bad news?” asked the senior aide. “Well, both India and Pakistan exploded their tenth atomic bomb turning…

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The RE-RUN

One fine afternoon at the new golf course in Alabama, These two men were just finishing up the front nine when they decided to take a breather in the clubhouse. They went up to the lounge room and sat down and ordered a glass of beer. They started flipping thru the channels when they decided to watch the news. The first thing that was on was a woman about to comit suicide. The first man, which was a businessman, said,…

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Memo from Microsoft

Dear Customers: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The Southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads “WINDERS 98” and has a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.…

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Missing husband

A woman awoke during the middle of the night to find her husband missing from the bed. She thought it was strange because he never got up during the middle of the night. Soon about 20 minutes went by and he still hadn’t returned. Somewhat worried she went looking for him. He wasn’t in the bathroom so she went downstairs. He wasn’t in the TV room or the kitchen getting something to eat. Becoming more worried she noticed the basement…

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Hygienic Blonde

A pretty blonde woman asks the young male clerk in the drugstore for some bottom deodorant. The clerk, somewhat bemused, explains to the blonde that they don’t sell ‘bottom’ deodorant . . .just the underarm type. The blonde, undismayed, assures the clerk that she has been buying ‘bottom’ deodorant here for several years, is quite satisfied with the product, and would like more. The puzzled clerk asks the phamacist if he can help the young lady. The pharmacist smiles and…

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Next Time Don’t Forget Your Dentures

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him, he said, “I forgot my teeth.” The man said, “No problem.” With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. “Try these,” he said. The speaker tried them. “Too loose,” he said. The…

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Heavenly Voice Mail

WHAT IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of modern life. But you may have wondered: what if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing this: Thank you for calling The Lord’s House. Please select from the following options: Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS Press 2 for THANKSGIVING Press 3 for COMPLAINTS Press 4 for HEALING Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS Press 6 for…

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No Fault, No Foul

There was this guy walking down the street, when right in front of him, and coming his way, was his ex-wife. He could not walk across the street; there was just no way to avoid bumping into her and the younger man on her arm. Being startled at the chance meeting, she stammered, “W- well, hello Fred!” He tried a courteous, “Hi Martha! and how have you been sinc–” Bolstering up somewhat, and with pride of her young, blonde, good…

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Little Johnny and the Eel

Seven-year-old little Johnny, like other boys his age, are rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from the other boys, and he wondered just what it was all about. One day he asked his mother, and she became quite flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains later that night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. So he did this, and the next morning he gave this…

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