Beautiful one day Jokes - page 9

Mother Goose 1999

Once upon a time, a beautiful princess was seated on the shore of a pond near her castle. As she combed her golden tresses in the reflection of the pristine water, a frog hopped into her lap and spoke to her. “Dearest Princess, I was once a handsome prince with a thousand servants and riches beyond your imagination. One day a beggar woman transformed me into this frog that you see before you, for she was indeed a witch. But…

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What Men Really Mean

“I’m going fishing.” Really means… “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.” “Let’s take your car.” Really means…. “Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas.” “Woman driver.” Really means…. “Someone who doesn’t speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me.” “I don’t care what color you paint the kitchen.”…

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How can I do that?!

One day farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. The livestock dealer said, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm…

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It was the Night Before Christmas (60’s style)

?Twas the Night Before Christmas 60’s style ?Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house Things were real mellow Even Irving the mouse Our boots were hung up The incense was lit In the hopes that St. Nick Would soon do his bit The tree was decked out It was really a sight With love beads and flowers And a flashing strobe light Wearing my T-shirt From the Woodstock Nation I was getting into Some good meditation And…

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The Preacher’s Wife

One day, the pastor’s wife was going shopping, so he told her not to spend to much money. When she got to the store,she saw this beautiful dress that was $600! But she just had to have this dress, so she bought it anyway. When she got home,her husband said, “I thought I told you not to spend too much!” She said,”You did, but when I tried it on, satin said that it looked gorgeous on me.” Then the husband…

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Linda Tripp

One day Hercules, Cinderella, and Quasimodo all met togather and decided to have a picnic. Hercules stands and says, “I’m the strongest man in the world!” Cinderella stands and says, “Well I’m the prettiest woman in the world!” Quasimodo says, “I’m the ugliest in all the land!” So they decided to go home that night and pray to the gods and ask if all of this was true, and said they would meet the next day. Hercules arrives and says,…

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Read JokeLinda Tripp

Cost of a Sermon

One beautiful Sunday morning, a priest announced to his congregation: “My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons…a $100 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, and a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour.” “Now, we’ll take the collection and see which one I’ll deliver today.”

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Nude Beach

Chuck decides to bring his wife and son to the nude beach one day. They pick out a spot and little Joey goes off to play while Chuck’s wife sunbathes. Being the beautiful day that it is Chuck decides to go for a swim. About a half an our goes by and little Joey comes running up to his mother and says, “Mommy, Mommy, I saw some lady’s boobies and they’re bigger than yours!” She calmly tells her son, “The…

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cindarella

Cindarella was getting old, 75 years, and very wrinkly. One day the fairy god mother came to visit. “Having a good life aren’t you.? I shall grant you three wishes.” For her first wish she wishes to be rich. instantly here chair is turned to gold and as she jumped up, her cat jumped off her lap. for her second wish she wishes, she wished to be young and beautiful. She was turned into a beautiful young woman. for her…

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The Classifieds

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) Illiterate? Write today for free help. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Semi-Annual…

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