Beautiful day Jokes - page 6

The Blonde and the Mailman

Mailman John walks down the street. It is is last day on the job. The first door he comes to, the people hand him fruit and flowers and said that they appreciated his work. The next door he comes to the people give him home-baked chocolate chip cookies and said the same thing. Then the next door he comes to, a beautiful blonde answers the door and says “come in”. He comes in and they do it, and they come…

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King Arthur & the Old Witch

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur?s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the…

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Golf Threesome

Moses and Jesus are part of a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulls up to the tee and drives a long one. The ball lands on the fairway, but rolls directly toward a water trap. Quickly, Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls to the other side, safe and sound. Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It lands right in the center…

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The Other Side

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the other one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, “John, John, this is Martha. Do…

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Here’s looking at you

An extremely well endowed receptionist was primly seated at the front desk of a leading provider of Internet services and help. As was the policy of the Company – there were no dress codes allowed. Knowing that she might be able to attract a future husband in this well situated position and knowing that she would not be chastised for her appearance, she elected to wear a rather low cut blouse when she was at work. One day a very…

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Weight-loss Program

A fellow was reading the paper one day lamenting the fact that his doctor has ordered him to lose 75 pounds. Next thing he sees is an advertisement for a guaranteed weight loss program. “Guaranteed like heck,” he thinks to himself, “But let’s see what they think they can do.” He calls them on the phone and subscribes to the 3 day, 10 LB weight loss program. The next day there comes a knock at his door, and when he…

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God Created Woman…

One day, after a near eternity in the Garden Of Eden, Adam calls out to God, “Lord, I have a problem.” “What’s the problem, Adam?” God replies. “Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me. You have surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I am lonely.” “Well, Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a woman for you.” “What’s a woman, Lord?” “This woman will…

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Grammatical Uses of the ‘F’ Word

Grammatical Uses of the Word Fuck Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word “FUCK.” It is the one magical word, which, just by it’s sound can describe Pain, Pleasure, Love and Hate. In language, “FUCK” falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (John really gives a fuck)…

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If It Weren’t For The Movies

Things You’d Never Know If It Weren’t For The Movies: Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed. One of a pair of identical twins is evil. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. It doesn’t matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one…

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Things girls think guys should know

1. Don’t ever lie to us, we always find out. 2. We don’t enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening. 3. Don’t say you understand when you don’t. 4. Girls are petty, get over it. 5. You don’t have PMS; don’t act like you know what it’s like. 6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook; doing something sweet will always get you off the hook. 7. If you talk about having a big…

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