Beautiful car Jokes - page 5

Spare Keys

One day a husband was chiding his beautiful blonde wife about leaving her keys in the ignition of her car. “If I take them out of the car I lose them,” she reasoned. “Yes dear, but what if someone steals your car?” the husband countered. “Oh that’s okay,” the wife chirped happily, “I keep a spare key in the glove box!”

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The 3 Wishes

One day, a man was walking down the street when he saw a genie lamp in a nearby alley. Excitedly, he picked it up and rubbed it. A genie came out and said, “I will grant you three wishes, Master!” The man was so happy, his first wish was, “I want 100 billion dollars!!!!!!” “Your wish has been granted, $100 billion is now in your bank account.” The man was even happier. “I want beautiful women!” “Your wish has been…

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Florida Minister

A minister in Florida lamented that it was difficult to get his message across to his local congregation: “It’s so beautiful here in the winter,” he said, “that heaven doesn’t interest them that much.” “And it’s so hot here in the summer that hell doesn’t really scare them either.”

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golf etiquette

Three guys, a father, son, and grandfather go out to play a round of golf. As they are on the way out to the first tee they are joking, bullshitting, and cussing, very much the men’s day out. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says that her partner didn’t show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is a really beautiful…

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Most Useful Word in English

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the English language today is the word “fuck.” Out of all the English words that begin with the letter “F”, fuck is the only word that is referred to as the “f” word. It’s one magical word. Just by its sound it can describe pain, pleasure, hate, and love. Fuck, as most words in the English language, is derived from German — the word ‘flicken’ which means to strike. In English fuck…

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Life of Riley

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. There sits a long-time resident who looks about 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer, inquiringly. The old-timer says, “Look at me. I”m old and worn out. You”d never believe that I used to live the life of Riley, would you? I wintered on the Riviera, had a yacht, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France.” The new…

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The Nativity Scene

A visitor in a small Southern town comes across a beautiful Nativity scene. It was obvious that great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothers the man – the three wise men are wearing firefighters helmets. Unable to come up with a reason or an explanation, the visitor gets in his car and heads out of town. At a Quik Stop on the edge of town, he stops and asks the lady behind the counter…

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TONS of Blonde Jokes

1: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block! 2: What do you say to a blonde that won’t give in? “Have another beer.” 3: What’s a blonde’s favorite wine? “Daddy! I want to go to Miami 4: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde, and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They spot a $100 on the ground. Who gets it? Nobody. The first four don’t exist and the…

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Snow Diary

A SNOW DIARY DECEMBER 4 – 5:00 It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful. DECEMBER 9 – We woke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and…

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Soap Opera Addict

Hello! Sorry, I can’t come take your call right now. ALL MY CHILDREN are YOUNG AND RESTLESS, so I have to SEARCH FOR TOMORROW and today to find them. I am praying that the GUIDING LIGHT will remind them that the DAYS OF OUR LIVES are growing short. They will wind up in GENERAL HOSPITAL with only ONE LIFE TO LIVE, even if I do think they are BOLD AND BEAUTIFUL, if they’re not careful. And if they don’t straighten…

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