Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Subject: 40 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by actual journalists) 1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case 5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 6. Farmer Bill Dies in House 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 9. Stud Tires Out 10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope…
(0)
Loading...
“My cat just came in from the garage and I was wondering…. how many calories are in a mouse?” “I have a neutered male cat. How old should he be before I can breed him?” “Does your dog food help with emancipation?” “What should I feed a borderline collie?” “What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?” “Is it normal for a dog to shed?” “How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband’s toothbrush?”…
(0)Loading...
A magazine recently ran a “Dilbert quotes” contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life managers. Here are the Top 12 finalists: 1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.) 2. What I need is a list of…
(0)Loading...
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF STAR WARS WAS SET IN GLASGOW? Chewbacca would look roughly the same except he’d only be about 5ft tall, from Blackhill and called Shug. He’d have the same amount of body hair but would also have tattoos, would permanently smell of drink and invariably sport a Rangers top. Obi-Wan Kenobi would invariably be referred to as Chief or Big Yin by his cohorts. People trying to start a fight with him would addess him as Wanky-Nobby.…
(2)Loading...
There would be a “Rehearsal Dinner Kegger” until the cops showed up. Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops. They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not. Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have matching team colors. June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that “forsaking all others” part. The couple would leave the ceremony in…
(1)Loading...
The Raiders Al Davis had finally put together the perfect Raiders team for ?98. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, and he couldn?t find a ringer quarterback that would ensure a Super bowl win. Then one night, watching CNN, he saw a war zone in Bosnia. In the background, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly…
(0)Loading...
I’M ALWAYS IN THE DARK. I HANG AROUND WITH 2 NUTS ALL DAY. MY NEIGHBOR IS AN ASSHOLE. MY BEST FRIEND IS A PUSSY. AND OWNER BEATS ME ALL THE TIME…
(0)Loading...
A guy is driving along the freeway in Los Angeles. As he reaches downtown, he finds himself in the middle of a massive traffic jam that is blocking up five different freeways and sending lines of cars back for miles in all directions. After a while, he notices a guy walking from car to car down the freeway, stopping and talking to people through their car windows. When the guy reaches him he rolls down his window and says, “Hey!…
(0)Loading...
ARIES You tend to be a headstrong and deliberate in your actions. Basically you don’t give a fuck about anyone. Most people hate you but you couldn’t care less. You’re the type of person who would masturbate at a wedding. TAURUS Warm and caring are your most endearing characteristics. You get on well with most people because you’re bisexual. You hardly ever wear underwear and you constantly smell of piss. GEMINI Your star sign denotes an air of duality in…
(2)Loading...
The policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, “I’m Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee.” The cop put away his summons book and pen and said, “Well…OK…have a nice visit, but don’t let me catch you speeding again.”
(0)Loading...