Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
A lady and a friend were playing golf at a resort. The lady hits her golfball and a little while after hears a scream. She runs towards the scream and finds a man lying on the floor, holding his crutch. The woman exclaims, “oh my, I’m so sorry, please, i am a physiotherapist, let me massage it and it will feel better.” The man replies that it is fine. The women insists and sticks her hands down his pants and…
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A man arrives at the Pearly Gates, waiting to be admitted. St. Peter reviews the Big Book to see if the man?s name is written in it. After several minutes, St. Peter closes the book, furrows his brow, and says, ?I?m sorry, I don?t see your name written in the Big Book.? ?How current is your copy?? asks the man. ?I get a download every ten minutes,? St. Peter replies, ?Why do you ask?? ?I?m embarrassed to admit it, but…
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Grammatical Uses of the Word Fuck Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word “FUCK.” It is the one magical word, which, just by it’s sound can describe Pain, Pleasure, Love and Hate. In language, “FUCK” falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (John really gives a fuck)…
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Things You’d Never Know If It Weren’t For The Movies: Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed. One of a pair of identical twins is evil. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. It doesn’t matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one…
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An Irishman is driving down a quiet country road when a policeman drives up behind him and pulls him over. “Excuse me sir,” the copper says, “I don’t believe that this is your car.” “I can assure you it is,” Paddy replies. But the PC still doesn’t believe poor old Paddy, so he gets him out of the car and onto the road. The policeman then proceeds to draw a circle around the Irishman and returns to the car. “I’m…
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SEMINARS FOR MALES (prepared and presented by females) 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You, Too, Can Do Housework 3. PMS: Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut 4. How to Fill an Ice Tray 5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money 6. Understanding the Female Response to Your Coming in Drunk at 4:00am 7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (formerly titled “Don’t Wash my Silks”) 8. Parenting: No, It Doesn’t End With Conception 9. Get a Life: Learn…
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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. “Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,” says the shop owner, “and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.” “You can keep the story, old man,” he replies, “but I’ll take…
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Wuz de nite befo Crimmus; And all ower da hood; ereybody wuz’ sleepin’; Dey wuz sleepin’ good. We hunged up our stockings; An hoped like de’ heck; That old Santa Clause; Be bringin’ our check. All o’de fambily; Wuz layin in de beds; While Ripple and Thunderbird; Danced through dey heads. I passed out inna’ flo; Right nex to my Maw; When I heard sech a fuss; I thunk: “It mus be de law!!!” I looked out thru de bars;…
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The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute and said, “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?” The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First,…
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A man and woman were standing there getting married. The priest was talking. “Do you, John, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” “I do,” said John. “And do you, Christina, take this man to be YOUR lawfully wedded wife?” “I do,” she replied. “And now, to forget old times and only move forward, break the glass which represents old times.” The priest places a piece of glass down. John steps on the glass, which makes a cool…
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