Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Dear Sir, My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells, Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want to go into the “not raising hogs” business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with…
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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.” So next Sunday he took the monsignor’s advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He…
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A bear & rabbit are takin’ a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, “Excuse me, but do you heve trouble with shit sticking to your fur?” The rabbit replies, “No,I don’t.” So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
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FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software. I want to die while asleep like my Grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. I can’t dial NINE-ELEVEN in an emergency, because there’s no ELEVEN on my phone. Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names. What is a free gift? Aren’t all gifts free? Can you yell “MOVIE!” in a crowded fire station? If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy? To vacillate…
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A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife’s stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the stamp was for so when they got home, he dug out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters the stamp said, “When you can read this, come back and…
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Things Learned from Children For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, think of this as birth control. 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 square foot house, 4 inches deep. 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3.…
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From a disgruntled Airline employee…. “Welcome aboard ZZZ Airlines Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If…
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On day a man was walking on the beach when he came upon a brass lamp. “I wonder if this is a magic lamp,” he said to himself and began to rub the lamp furiously. A cloud of smoke rose out and a Genie was standing before him. “Three Wishes are yours,” the Genie said “but whatever you wish for your mother-in-law gets double” The man thought long and hard. The last thing he wanted to do was give his…
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A new priest saying mass for the first time was so nervous that he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor told him that he appeared nervous but that he had some advice for him. He told the new priest that he always puts a glass of vodka next to the water glass. ?If I get nervous I drink from that glass? the Monsignor told the priest. The following Sunday the priest…
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1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2. Ride those electronic cars at the front of the store. 3. Set all the alarm clock to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in. 5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, “I need some…
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