Ass x Jokes - page 33

What not to offer a priest

A naive wife, ever the gracious hostess, was serving drinks at a party over the holidays. A friend of the couple brought his brother who had just been ordained a Priest. She offered the friend a drink from the tray and turned to the Priest and said, “I’m so sorry Father, I’ll go right back to the kitchen and bring you a Coke.” The Priest smiled and said, “No need. I may have alcohol. Priests abstain from sex, not the…

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Flight to Egypt

Susie Sunshine asked her Sunday School Class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Little Johnny’s picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. “The Flight to Egypt,” said Johnny. “I see. . . And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,”she said. “But who’s the fourth person?” “Oh, that’s Pontius — the pilot!”

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Senior Moment

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting at that park for every sunny day for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each other’s friendship. One day, the younger of the two ladies turns to the other and says, “Please don’t be angry with me, Dear, but I am so embarrassed. After all these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can’t.” The older…

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Hotel

One day a little girl was sitting in class when her teacher asked her to make a sentence with each word she told her to. The first word was red, so the little girl replied, “I have a red dress.” The teacher said good, your next word is nacho. The little girl replied, “I have a red dress and it’s nacho’s.” The teacher said not quite, but okay, your next word is hotel. The little girl replied, “I have a…

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Cowboys

A cowboy rides into town, hitches up his horse and walks into a bar. He goes up, gets a beer, drinks it, and walks out. Half a second passes and he bursts back into the bar and says, “All right which one of you mule patoots painted my horse’s face yellow?” A huge man-mountain stands up, looks down at the cowboy and says “I did”. The cowboy looks up at him and whispers, “The first coat’s dry.” … The same…

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Nellie & Venus

There was this guy that had car trouble one night while driving in the country. So he went up to this farmer’s house and asked the farmer if he could use the phone to call a tow truck. The farmer said “Ok.” The man called then hung up the phone and said, “The tow truck won’t get here ’till tomorrow because of all this rain, so could I spend the night here?” The farmer said “Ok, as long as you…

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Doctor Visit

One day a woman went to her doctor for her physical. After all of the routine checks and ‘female’ exam, she was given great results. Very happy and excited, she went home to meet her husband. “How did it go?” he asked. “Wonderful,” she said, “the doctor said I have a tight package.” “Did he say anything about your BIG ASS?” “Nope, he didn’t mention YOUR name the whole time I was there!!”

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A Very Weird Scene On The Bus

An attractive young woman gets on the city bus and facing the bus driver, she proceeds to put her right thumb to her nose and wiggles the other fingers on her right hand. The bus driver responds by putting his right thumb to his nose, putting his left thumb to the palm of his right hand and wiggling the eight fingers on his hands. Then the woman grabs both her breasts to which the bus driver responds by grabbing his…

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Read JokeA Very Weird Scene On The Bus