Ass x Jokes - page 118

Thanksgiving Day Recipe

Hoow To Cook A Turkey Step 1: Go buy a turkey Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey Step 3: Put turkey in the oven Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey Step 5:Set the degree at 375 ovens Step 6: Take three more whiskeys of drink Step 7: Turn oven the on Step 8: Take four whisks of drinkey Step 9: Turk the bastey Step 10: Whiskey another bottle get Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer…

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Costume Party

A couple was going to a costume party. The husband was unsure of what costume to wear. His wife was telling him to hurry or they would be late for the party. She was walking down the stairs from the bedroom, completely naked except on her feet were a big old floppy pair of boots. “Where is your costume?” the husband asked. “This is it,” replied his wife. “What the heck kind of costume is that?” asked the husband. “Why,…

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Johnny’s Tantrum

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by Little Johnny, who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, Little Johnny continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the…

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Johnny Learns Anatomy

“For today’s science class, we’ll be looking at anatomy. I’ve brought in this dead cat so we can all have a look at how it functions,” started the science teacher. The teacher asks a bright young student sitting in the front row, “Can you tell me how the cat’s teeth stay in, young man?” “Sure! Its gums hold them in!” replies the kid. “Ok, someone else, how about the fur?” “Its skin holds it on!” replies another bright student. “Ok,…

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The Bus, The Doctor, The Onlooker And The People In The Bus.

In a very crowded bus, one busy Monday morning, a passenger unable to resist an urge releases it silently, but the smell gets so bad that the people in the bus had to get out. The passengers, who were very annoyed asked the driver to send off the person responsible for the stinking act, but they were unable to point out who it was since everybody was accusing somebody. The accusations became very unorganised and the commotion attracted a big…

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Cultural diversity

At a local college, there was a dance.. this guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug.” She says, “yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.” A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss.” She says, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”…

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Medical Miracle

An Israeli doctor said, “In Israel, medicine is so advanced, we can replace a man’s kidney and have him looking for work in six weeks.” The German doctor said, “That’s nothing. In Germany, we can replace a man’s lung and have him looking for work in four weeks.” The Russian doctor exclaimed, “Pah! In Russia, we can take half a heart from one man, put it in another man, and have both of them looking for work in two weeks.”…

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Walking Out

“I hope you didn’t take it personally, Reverend,” an embarrassed woman said after a church service, “when my husband walked out during your sermon.” “I did find it rather disconcerting,” the preacher replied. “It’s not a reflection on you,” insisted the church goer. “Ralph has been been walking in his sleep since childhood.”

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The Bear & the Hunter

A hunter was out one day, crouched down for nearly an hour when he noticed this bear crawl by. So, without hesitation, he fired his shotgun at the bear. A cloud of dirt went up, but there was nothing there. Finally, he felt a tap on his sholder. It was the bear. “What are you doing? You can’t shoot me. Turn around and pull down your pants for some sweet lovin’ or I’m going to rip you to pieces.” The…

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Polar Bears

A young polar bear came into his den and asked his mother, “Mom, am I a real polar bear?” “Of course you are,” his mother replied. The young polar bear asked his father, “Dad, am I a real polar bear?” “Yes, you are a real polar bear,” replied his father. A week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, “Are grandma and grandpa real polar bears?” “Yes,” said his parents. Another week passed and the young polar bear…

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