Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
One morning, the owner of a diner gathers all four of his employees and tells them, “Business has been so bad these days that I am forced to fire one of you.” The black dishwasher is the first to speak up, “Well, I’m the only black around here and you wouldn’t want to get into that.” The pregnant waitress warns, “As the only woman in your employment, I can sue you for sexual discrimination.” Crossing his arms, the old cook…
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How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. How do you know…
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Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…
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A lady who had already had several drinks, walks into a bar, slumps on the bar and asks the bartender for a “martoonie wid a pickle in it”. The bartender somewhat amused by her request, fixes her a martini and places an olive in it. As soon as the bartender places the drink in front of the lady, she picks up the glass, downs the drink, slams the glass on the bar and says “Bartender, gimme anoder martoonie wid a…
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This actually IS true. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it! Only in South Carolina!! Bitter sweet revenge. It’s about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. This was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage at the microphone to talk to the crowd. He said that he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them…
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A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads: Hamburger: $1 Cheeseburger: $2 Handjob: $10 He beckons to an attractive blonde behind the counter. “Can I help you?” she asks with a knowing smile. “I was wondering,” whispers the man. ” Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” “Yes,” she purrs suductively. “I am.” “Well, wash your hands,” he says. I want a fucking cheeseburger.”
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How To Shower Like A Woman: 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so you can complain and whine even more about how you’re getting fat. 4. Get in the shower.…
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This bloke comes in to a pub in the Northern Territory (Australia) with a four-meter salt-water crocodile on a steel chain. Naturally, the patrons are shit scared and jump up on what ever they can find. The publican comes over and says “Get that thing out of here!” The bloke replies “I can?t, he?s my pet!” The publican says, “Well tie him up outside!” The bloke says, “No way, he?ll get lonely! And besides he safe.” “Safe?” say the publican,…
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A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and THIS kitchen is delirious. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house. If we are what we eat, then I’m easy, fast and cheap. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they…
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An elderly couple were having trouble remembering things. The man advised the woman that he thought they should see a doctor. Both agreed and went to the doctor. The doctor stated that was no big problem and that it is easily cured. “Get yourself a tablet and when you think of something write it on the tablet.” The couple returned home. Later that evening the man asked the woman if she would kindly get him a glass of ice water.…
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