Ash Jokes - page 20

PROM DRESS

Julie Adams had just turned Sweet Sixteen and was praying that Jeff would ask her to the Junior Prom. When he finally did, it was the happiest day in her life. She told her mother she would need a strapless dress for the Prom, so Mrs. Adams loaned Julie her credit card and sent her off to Gowns Unlimited for the purchase. Julie picked up her new dress the morning of the Prom and it was perfect. Her only concern…

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Computer Terms Straight From The Ozarks

1.BARCODE: The fighting rules down at the local tavern. 2.BUG: The reason you give for calling in sick. 3.BYTE: What the pit bull did to cousin Jim Bob 4.CACHE: What you have to resort to when you run out of food stamps. 5.CHIP: Pasture muffins that you try not to step in 6.CRASH: When you go to Junior’s party uninvited 7.DIGITAL: Counting on your fingers 8.DISKETTE: A female disco dancer 9.FAX: The only thing the FBI is interested in 10.HACKER:…

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Computer Help Desk Horror Stories

1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter…

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Volunteer Firemen

A fire started on some grassland near a farm. The county fire department was called to put the fire out, but it was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. So the call was made. The volunteers arrived in a old, delapidated fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire and stopped right in the middle of the flames. The firemen quickly jumped off the truck and frantically began spraying…

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Positive Identification!!!

U.S. actress Sharon Mitchell, heroine of the X-rated film “Captain Lust,” once experienced difficulty getting a check cashed at a New York bank because she didn’t have her driver’s license or other means of identification with her. She did, however, have a magazine containing a nude picture of herself. Handing the magazine to the teller, she lifted her sweater up to her chin and struck the same pose. The check was cashed.

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1, 2, 3, 4

After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to get it up anymore. He goes to his doctor, his doctor tries a few things out, but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him, “This is all in your mind,” and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, “I am at a loss as to how you could possibly cured.” Finally the psychiatrist refers him to…

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A Letter of Apology

When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness, and since several of you have called me a “dirty son of a bitch” to my face, I knew I must have done something wrong at the office New Year’s Party. The Office Manager called me from the hospital today, and as this is my last day on the job, I’d like to take this way of apologizing to all of you. I…

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Bushisms, pt 2

“I think we agree, the past is over.”?On his meeting with John McCain, Dallas Morning News, May 10, 2000 “It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.”–Reuters, May 5, 2000 (Thanks to Allison Fansler.) GOV. BUSH: Because the picture on the newspaper. It just seems so un-American to me, the picture of the guy storming the house with a scared little boy there. I talked to my little brother, Jeb?I haven’t told this to many people.…

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easy rent money

Fred knocks on his friends door. The wife answers and he asks, “Is John home?” She says, “No, but come on in and wait, he should be home anytime.” She offers him a beer and after about 3 beers, John still hasn’t shown up yet. Fred says, “Hey I’ll give ya a $100 if I can see one of your tits.” Well, she thinks, “Boy that would help with the rent. So she pulls up her shirt and flashes him…

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Women are from Venus?

Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here is a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Prof. Miller. __________________________________ In-class Assignment for Wednesday: Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a…

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