Appea Jokes - page 3

ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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Everybody’s Free (To Embrace the Dark Side of the Force)

This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…

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When you’re REALLY drunk

A man walks into the front door of a tavern, obviously drunk. He staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, belches, and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink and could not be served additional alcohol at this bar, and would he like a cab to be called for him. The drunk is briefly surprised, then quietly grumbles as he gets…

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traffic court

A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day. “What for?” he snapped at the judge. His…

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Crazy Engineers

A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the “craziest” thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child’s toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost…

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Halloween Ball

Sam is very self-conscious about his bald head and his wooden leg, so when he receives an invitation to a Halloween Ball, he wants to wear a costume that will hide or minimize both. He dashes off a note to Brooks Brothers, explaining his need and his concerns, and in a few days receives a package with the following note. “Dear Sir: Enclosed is a pirate costume. The red handkerchief will cover your bald head, and your wooden leg will…

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No Offense, West Virginians

A West Virginia State trooper pulls over a pickupon I-79. He says to the driver, “Got any ID?” The driver says, “‘Bout what?” ———————————— Q: Did you hear about the $3,000,000 West Virginia State Lottery? A: The winner gets $3 a year for a million years. ———————————— Q: Why did O.J. Simpson want to move to southern West Virginia? A: He heard that everyone has the same DNA. ———————————— Q: Did you hear that the governor’s mansion in Charleston, WV…

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the lawyer joke, but funnier

A man was walking along the beach when he saw a half buried ornate bottle. He picked it up and after examining it closely, removed the decorative stopper. As expected, a cloud of smoke blew out and a Genie appeared. The Genie informed the man that he was now the Genie’s master and was granted three wishes, but with a rider attached. The Genie proceeded to announce that his previous master was Bill Clinton and his third wish was for…

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Endangered Woodlands

A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts. In…

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Technically Speaking

Clinton died and went to heaven-or to be more accurate-approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “It’s me, Bill Clinton” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad things did you do on earth?” Clinton thought a bit and answered, “Well, I smoked marijuana but you shouldn’t hold that against me because I didn’t inhale. I guess I had extra-marital…

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