Ants Jokes - page 10

A Sign From Above

A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it’s a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man,that’s interesting. I’m a woman… Wow! Just look at our cars. There’s nothing left,but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of…

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Women’s Clever Answers To Pick-Up Lines

Man: “Haven’t we met before?” Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.” Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?” Woman: “Yes, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.” Man: “So, wanna go back to my place?” Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?” Man: “Your place or mine?” Woman: “Both. You go to your place and I’ll go to mine.” Man: “I’d really like to get into your pants.” Woman: “No thanks. There’s…

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Read JokeWomen’s Clever Answers To Pick-Up Lines

Aww, Daddy . . .

My 3-year-old daughter, Sarah, has the normal speech problem that most kids have when they are at this age. She can’t say her C’s. They come out T’s, and the R’s come out like W’s. My husband sleeps in his underwear. He woke up one morning and started to walk to the bathroom, just as my daughter walked out of her room. She stopped him dead in his tracks, pointed to his “package,” and said, “Awww, Daddy, you got TWAP…

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Hillbilly Cop

One day a hillbilly walks into a police station because he wants to get a job as a deputy, which he’s wanted to be his whole life. So he goes over to the sheriff’s desk and says to the sheriff,”I’m hear to be a deputy.” The sheriff laughs and says, “Well lets see if you’re qualified, son.” The sheriff asks him a question and the hillbilly gives him an answer. The sheriff says, “Close enough.” The sheriff then asks him,…

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I’m the Boss!

Adrian bought a little plaque at a novelty shop that said “I’m the Boss,” thinking it was really cute, and put it on his desk at work, and went to lunch. When he got back, there was a note on his desk: “Your wife called, and she wants her sign back!”

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The Duck

A man takes his duck to a movie one day. So when he goes up to the counter to buy a ticket the lady says, “I’m sorry sir we don’t allow pets in the theater.” So the man goes behind the theater and sticks the duck in his pants. When he gets into the movie and sits down the duck starts moving around. So the guy undoes his pants and lets the duck’s head stick out. Then an old lady…

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Good advice for those that are married/engaged/whipped…

*************************************** IT IS SATURDAY, a crisp Winter’s afternoon, and you’re exactly where you should be: stretched out on the sofa in front of a televised sporting event, opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your wife enters the room and says, “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Is this a trick question? Yes, it is. The…

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Read JokeGood advice for those that are married/engaged/whipped…

Vacation

A man walked in to Joe’s Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks “What’s up?” The man proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome. “ROME?!” Joe says, “Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You’d be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?” “We’re taking TWA,” the man replies. “TWA?!” yells Joe. “They’re a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight…

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Dennis Rodman

A woman in a bar was picked up by Dennis Rodman, the famous basketball player known for the wildly changing colour and style of his hair. They liked each other and the woman went back with him to his hotel room. He removed his shirt revealing all of his tattoos and she saw, on his right arm was a tattoo that said, “Reebok”. She thought that it was a bit odd and asked him about it. Rodman responded, “When I…

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Read JokeDennis Rodman