Answe Jokes - page 53

Who is that?

My friend’s husband, an air-traffic controller, had a pilot ask if he could veer off course, on his way into land. The request wasn’t all that unusual, as many air crews want to check out the local scenery. My friend’s husband gave his permission, but became somewhat curious, when he realized that the area the aircraft was flying over, had little scenic interest. “By the way,” the air-traffic controller asked, “what is it that you are looking at?” The pilot…

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The Headaches!!!!

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older, he was increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem. “The good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to…

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Psalms 23

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23d Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase, “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life . . .” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny?” the pastor asked. “Well,” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time.”

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3 Nuns

There were these three nuns and they were trying to get into heaven. So God appeared and said, “Answer this question correctly, and I’ll let you in.” So he asked the first nun, “Who was the first man on earth?” The nun said, “Adam” So God said, “Bamm! You’re in heaven.” So he asked the second nun, “Who was the first woman on earth?” And she said, “Eve!” So God said, “Bamm! You’re in heaven.” Finally it was the third…

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The Bilingual Attorney

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit’s head, and said, “You’re under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I’ll blow your brains out.”…

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Driving Test

A blonde goes to take her driving test…she has studied very hard for this test. When she comes home from taking the test, her friend asked her how she did. The blonde answered, “Well, the officer said I did very well, but I still don’t understand why he gave me an “F” on gender…”

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Blind Date

“How was your blind date?” a college student asked her roommate. “Terrible!” answered the roommate. “He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce.” “Wow! That’s a very expensive car! What’s so bad about that?” “He was the original owner.”

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Sand…..Again?

Kelvin comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He’s got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, “What’s in the bags?” “Sand,” answered Kelvin. The guard says, “We’ll just see about that. Get off the bike.” The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Kelvin overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but…

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Baby Words

A kindergarden teacher wanted to teach her kids ‘grown up’ words one day. She would ask her kids to describe something and tell them the correct form of the words that were babyish. She asked the first student, “Nicole, what machine moves on railroad tracks?” Nicole answered, “The choo-choo!” The teacher said, “No, you mean the train.” Nicole replied, “The train!” The teacher rewarded her with a gold star. Next the teacher called on Kevin. The teacher asked, “What pet…

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How to screw up an interview

We’ve all been interviewed for jobs. And, we’ve all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t fidget. Don’t interrupt. Don’t belch. If we did any of the don’ts, we knew we’d disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for tories of unusual behavior by job applicants. ************************************** The lowlights: ************** 1. “… stretched out…

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