Answe Jokes - page 34

Difficult Wife

A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: “Yes, Mother, I’ve had a hard day. Mary-Louise has been quite difficult…Yes, I know I ought to be more firm with her, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is… Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was hard to get along with and would make my life miserable, and you warned me not to marry her. Oh, how right you were…

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Lil’ Polar Bear

Lil’ polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom am I 100% pure Polar Bear?” Mother Bear says, “Why yes, son, you are! If you do not believe me, go ask your Pops.” So the lil’ polar bear goes to Pops and asks, “Pops, am I 100% pure polar bear?” The father answers, “Well let’s see… my mom and Pop were both pure Polar Bears, so were your grandparents on your mom’s side and both your mom and I…

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Adam and Eve

Susie and John are sitting in Primary class during church, John is sitting behind Susie and starts to fall a sleep. The teacher asks, “what did the sick man say to Jesus?” And the teacher calls on susie, who is sleeping, the answer of the question.Then John pokes susie in the back with a pen.and Susie cries out “Oh,holy Christ!” The teacher asks an other question. “What did Christ say to the lord in his prayr?” And she calls on…

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Punishment by profession

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. “I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession.” The sheik turns to the…

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kids’ books that never quite made circulation

Children’s books that never quite made it into circulation “You Are Different and That’s Bad” “Dad’s New Wife Timothy” “Pop! Goes The Hamster….And Other Great Microwave Games” “Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets” “The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad” “Babar Meets the Taxidermist” “Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence” “The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables” “Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom’s Purse” “The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy” “Things…

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Door-to-Door Drunk

There was a drunken man in a building complex, frantically knocking on people’s doors. A lady answered, “Who is it?” The drunk replied,”EXCUSE ME! IS YOUR HUSBAND HOME?” The lady replied from behind the door, “Yes he is, can I help you?” The drunk said, “No thanks!” When he knocked on the next door, a woman behind the door answered, “May I help you?” The drunk said,”EXCUSE ME, IS YOUR HUSBAND HOME?” The woman answered, “No, he’s not back from…

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Little Johnny looks around…..

One day, Little Johnny’s dad feels real horny. But as Little Johnny is around he cannot do anything. So, he says to Little Johnny, “Go & stand on the roof, look around & tell me what other kids are doing.” Little Johnny complies. Meanwhile his dad starts having sex with Little Johnny’s mother. Dad:”Little Johnny, what is Toni doing?” Little Johnny:”Dad, she is playing with her dolls.” D:”What is Bobby doing?” L J:”He’s flying a kite.” D:And what is Sam…

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US Tourists

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded. “She’s not from the States.” “Yes I am.” said the wife. He looked at her and asked, “Is he your husband?” “Yes,” she…

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