All ears Jokes - page 4

Polar Bears

A young polar bear came into his den and asked his mother, “Mom, am I a real polar bear?” “Of course you are,” his mother replied. The young polar bear asked his father, “Dad, am I a real polar bear?” “Yes, you are a real polar bear,” replied his father. A week passed and the young polar bear asked his parents, “Are grandma and grandpa real polar bears?” “Yes,” said his parents. Another week passed and the young polar bear…

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Did They Really Say That?

Commentary by Ernest Murray “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” – Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann. “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” – A senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh. “You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.” – Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach. “That’s so when I forget how to spell…

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writings on the cave wall

A team of archaeologists was excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following symbols in order of appearance: 1. a woman 2. a donkey 3. a shovel 4. a fish 5. a Star of David They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least more than three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum…

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Golf Balls

A wife is going through her husband’s closet one day when she finds a metal box. Inside the box she finds 3 golf balls and $20,000. She immediately goes downstairs and confronts him with it. Wife: “What is this box for?” Husband: “Well, every time we had bad sex I put a golf ball in the box.” The wife thought this was pretty good seeing as how they had been married for 20 years. Wife: “What is the $20,000 for?”…

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Notre Dame Football Confession

Years ago the chaplain of the Notre Dame football team was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportmans-like manner at a recent football game. “I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents.” “Ahhh that’s a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin’,” the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across…

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Butterball Turkey Talk-Line’s Greatest Hits

Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls — inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they’re heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck (“Will it…

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Politically-Correct Little Red Riding Hood

There once was a young person named Little Red Riding Hood who lived on the edge of a large forest full of endangered owls and rare plants that would probably provide a cure for cancer if only someone took the time to study them. Red Riding Hood lived with a nurture giver whom she sometimes referred to as “mother”, although she didn’t mean to imply by this term that she would have thought less of the person if a close…

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Birth control method

There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club meeting. The topic of birth control came up and they started comparing methods. The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It had been effective for them since they had started using it after their 4th child was born. The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated having to watch the calendar. The third woman said that she used…

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Jane Fonda Says ‘History Repeats Itself,’ Resurrects Her Father’s McCarthy-Era Free Speech Group

Jane Fonda says ‘History Repeats Itself,’ resurrects her father’s McCarthy-era free speech group! ? It seems some things never change! After decades, the iconic actor is dusting off the old ‘Committee for the First Amendment,’ originally founded by her legendary father during the very real, very paranoid McCarthy era. Now, with a fresh batch of A-list celebrities joining the cause, it appears the fight for free speech is back on the red carpet, ? spurred on by what are being…

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Jail Time? Pffft, This Political Movement Sees It as a Mere Pit Stop on the Road to 2026

Jail Time? Pffft, This Political Movement Sees It as a Mere Pit Stop on the Road to 2026. ? It seems that even the threat of incarceration is no match for the sheer determination (or perhaps stubbornness?) of this political dynasty. Remember when a certain politician boldly predicted his possible fates as ‘going to jail, being killed or victory’? ? Well, it appears the ‘going to jail’ option is just a minor plot twist in this epic political saga! With…

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Read JokeJail Time? Pffft, This Political Movement Sees It as a Mere Pit Stop on the Road to 2026