Africa Jokes - page 4

Hoozango!

On President Clinton’s trip to Africa, he took a trip to one of the less populated areas to see how the native tribespeople lived. He was escorted to a small village far from the beaten path. When he was introduced to the tribal chieftain he asked if he could speak to the villagers in order to spread the message of democracy. The chief obliged, assembling his tribesmen and bade President Clinton to speak. “In America,” he began, “we have a…

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Newspaper Clip

(This is a true story from the newspaper The Cape Times, South Africa) “For several months, our nurses have been baffled to find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning,” a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State, South Africa) told reporters. “There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and extensive checks on the air condidtioning system, and search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal any clues. However, further inquiries have now revealed…

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Anything For Love

The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her, don’t reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. After a few minutes, the woman…

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Black Sheep

A missionary gets sent into the deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe therein. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication! One day the wife of one of the Tribe’s noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent…

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Captain Smithers

In 1928 Colonel John Rotherhampton arrives in Central Africa to take over command of the King’s African Rifles from retiring Lt. Colonel Peter Defries. The retiring CO is very pleased to meet his successor and over a cup of tea at the regimental mess is most enthusiastic about the regiment’s adjutant, Captain Harry S Smithers. The old CO so extols the virtues and soldierly prowess of Capt. Smithers that the new CO decides that he must simply meet this man.…

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THE DUCKS!!!!

There were these three guys, a White man, a African-American man, and a Portuguese guy. (Here in Hawaii we make fun of Portagees!) They all died in a terrible car crash and went to Heaven. They thought it was great! But there was only one big rule, you could not step on any of the ducks or you’d have to spend the rest of the day with an ugly woman. One day, the African-American and the Portagee were walking around…

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Chevy Nova Awards

These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is given out in honour of the GM’s fiasco in trying to market this car in Central and South America. “NO VA” means, of course, in Spanish, “it doesn’t go”. 1. The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention that the Spanish translation read “Are you lactating?” 2. Coors put its slogan, “Turn It…

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run

2 photographers are filming lions in the African plains when the lions notice them and begin to walk towards them. One photographer starts to change into a pair of Nike running shoes. ‘No use doing that, you’ll never out run a lion,’ the second photographer says The first guy replies, ‘I don’t give a fuck about the lion, as long as I outrun you I’ll be fine.’

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