Ace Jokes - page 74

In the Beginning was The Plan And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without form and the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness was upon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves, saying “It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh to high heaven.” And the workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth, “It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof.” And the Supervisors went unto their…

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A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. “This place” the guide told them, “is 600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years.” “Wow!” said one woman, dryly. “They must have the same landlord I have.”

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One day Mother sent my little brother to the post office to mail a letter. A few minutes later, he came back with a suspicious smile on his face. “What happened?” my mother asked. “I just fooled the people at the post office. When no one was looking, I dropped the letter into the box without buying any stamps.”

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A very good-looking guy walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat up every single woman who walks into the bar, without any luck. Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man, walks into the bar. He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most…

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The Top 16 Rejected Motel 6 Slogans 16 We’re working on that smell thing, too. 15 Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car. 14 As seen on “COPS” 13 If we’d known you were staying all night, we’d have changed the sheets. 12 Not just for nooners anymore. 11 We left off the 9, but you know it’s there. 10 You rented the room, now buy the video. 9 Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then…

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The drill sergeant, making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: “Today, Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good: Private Brabant will be setting the pace on our morning run.” With this, the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Brabant was overweight and terribly slow. But then the sergeant finished his statement: “Now for the bad news: Private Brabant will be driving a truck.”

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1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at the third floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn’t yet started the paper either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a…

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