Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Everyone knows of the Chunnel running from England to France, but does everyone know this story? Four people got on the Chunnel: One was a young woman, who looked exactly like one of the models from fashion magazine. The next was a very old very rich woman, then a decorated Sergeant Major. Last but not least was a Private, fresh out of boot camp. The four got talking and all of a sudden the lights went out, there was the…
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Brenda McCarthy is home making dinner for her husband Patrick when Tim Finnegan knocks at her door. “May I come in, Brenda darlin’?” says Tim sadly, “I’ve somethin to tell ya.” “Of course, Tim, come in, but where’s Patrick?” she asks. “That’s what I’m here to be tellin ya, Brenda,” says Tim. “There was an accident down at the Guinness Brewery.” “Oh, God NO!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me…..” “I’m so sorry, darlin’” says Tim, his voice breaking, “Your…
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After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it – to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
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“BIT” = A wager as in, “I bit you cain’t spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways.” “BYTE” = First word in a kiss-off phrase. “CURSOR” = What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend. “FLOPPY” = When ya’ll can’t get it up no more. “DIGITAL CONTROL” = What yore fingers do on the TV remote. “HARD DRIVE” = Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires while pulling a trailer…
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A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: “Look, it’s not the same hat” “Look, he is hiding the…
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A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You foreigners Come in. Come into my humbleshop.” So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, “I have some special sandals 1 think you’d be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel.”…
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Twas the night before crisis, And behind White House doors, Not a creature was stirring, Especially Al Gore. The interns were nestled, Dressed in their berets, In hopes that Saint Bubba Would come out to play. When on the East Lawn, There arose such a clatter, Even Sam Donaldson Lost control of his bladder. Away to our TVs We flew like a flash, There’s a special report, And it’s pre-empting M*A*S*H! And what to our wondering Eyes should appear, But…
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102 REASONS IT’S GREAT TO BE A GUY. 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. 3. You know stuff about tanks. 4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. 5. Monday Nite Football. 6. You don’t have to monitor your friends sex lives. 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 8. You can open all your own jars. 9. Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained…
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A man comes home one day and says to his wife, “The stock market crashed and I lost all of my money. We’ll have to start over.” The wife says, “But that will take forever! I’d rather die!” and jumps out of their 30th story window and falls to her death. The man looks up from his wife splattered on the sidewalk. A grin slowly appears on his face and he says, “Thank you, Paine Webber….”
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Symptom: Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Action: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Improper bladder control. Action: Stand next to the nearest dog and complain about house training. Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Fault: Glass Empty Action: Get someone to buy you another beer. Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. Fault: You have fallen over backwards. Action: Have yourself leashed to the bar.…
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