Fast Wife
Bob: My wife drives like lightning. Ted: She drives fast? Bob: No, she hits trees!
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Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Jokes News
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Wife drives Jokes
Stolen Car Returned
Finishing their shopping at the mall, a couple discovers that their brand-new car was stolen. They file a report at the police station, and a detective drives them back to the parking lot to look for evidence. To their amazement, the car has been returned and there’s a note in it that says “I apologize for taking your car. My wife was having a baby and I hot-wired your ignition to rush her to the hospital. Please forgive the inconvenience.…
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Rewards in Heaven
At the gates of Heaven, St. Peter is waiting for each soul that enters. It was a slow day, but finally, someone arrives at the gates. Peter looks the guy over and asks, “How long were you married and how many times did you cheat on her?” The guy looks proudly at Peter and says, “In all the 25 years I was married, I never once cheated on my wife.” Peter smiles and says, “Because of that, you get to…
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Farmer Dan
Farmer Dan buys several pigs, hoping to breed them for bacon, ham, etc… After a few weeks, he notices that none of the pigs are getting pregnant, and he calls the vet for help. The vet tells the farmer that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn’t have the slightest clue as to what this means, but not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the pigs became pregnant. The vet…
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Car name acronyms
ACURA -Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile AMC -All Makes Combined AMC -A Major Cost AMC -A Mutated Car AMC -A Moron’s Car AMC -Another Major Catastrophe AUDI -Accelerates Under Demonic Influence AUDI -All Unsafe Designs Implemented AUDI -Another Ugly Duetsche Invention AUDI -Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence AUDI -Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc. BMW -Babbling Mechanical Wench BMW -Beastly Monsterous Wonder BMW -Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels BMW -Beautiful Mechanical Wonder BMW -Barely Moving Wreck BMW -Big Money Waste BMW -Big Money. Why?…
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Snow Diary
A SNOW DIARY DECEMBER 4 – 5:00 It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our hot buttered rum and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful. DECEMBER 9 – We woke to a big beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and…
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A Tennessean Moves to New York
January 10: It’s 5pm. It’s starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we’ve seen in many years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window watching the snow flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was so pristine and beautiful. Things could not be any better. January 11: We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a…
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Grandpa?
Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, for she was my father’s wife. To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy. I soon became…
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Newspaper headlines!
I was reading in the paper today and I guess about a week ago this guy was trying to hire somebody to kill his wife. So he called up this Mafia guy named Arty. He asked Arty, “How much it would cost to kill my wife?” “A dollar,” Arty replied. So the guy said, “Every Tuesday my wife goes to Consumers at 6:00 and you can?t miss her cause she?s blonde and she drives a red sports car.” So the…
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Stuck
A man and his wife are driving down a deserted road while on vacation. In the deepening gloom, the man fails to see a deer in the road until the last second. In a panic he swerves and drives off the road, down an embankment and into a tree. Now, the collision was so bad that the couples clothes were shredded and they were left essentially naked. The husband was trapped in the wreckage but the wife managed to free…
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