Water proof Jokes

blond inventions

Inventions by Blondes ? The water-proof towel ? Glow in the dark sunglasses ? Solar powered flashlights ? Submarine screen doors ? A book on how to read ? Inflatable dart boards ? A dictionary index ? Mechanical Pencil sharpeners ? Powdered water ? Pedal-powered wheel chairs ? Waterproof tea bags ? Watermelon seed sorter ? Zero proof alcohol ? Reuseable ice cubes ? See-through toilet tissue ? Skinless bananas ? Do-it-yourself road map ? Turnip ice cream ? Toe…

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Deserted Island

This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, “It’s not a ship.” The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, “It’s not a boat.” The speck gets even closer and he thinks, “It’s not a raft.” Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she…

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50 Fun Things to Do in a Mall

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the fountain. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream ‘MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!’ 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD…

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Intellectually Challenged

Colorful descriptions for the intellectually challenged: A few fries short of a happy meal. The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit all of the branches on the way down. A few clowns short of a circus. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a pod. Doesn’t have all his corn flakes in…

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Diver Down

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, “How the heck are…

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Blonde Inventions

Inventions by Blondes =–= — The water-proof towel — Glow in the dark sunglasses — Solar powered flashlights — Submarine screen doors — A book on how to read — Inflatable dart boards — A dictionary index — Mechanical Pencil sharpeners — Powdered water — Pedal-powered wheel chairs — Waterproof tea bags — Watermelon seed sorter — Zero proof alcohol — Reuseable ice cubes — See-through toilet tissue — Skinless bananas — Do-it-yourself road map — Turnip ice cream —…

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New and Improved Policies

Memo To: All Employees Subject: New Policies Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Surgery: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse…

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