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Ethnic Cultural

IRAQI TV GUIDE

MONDAY 8:00 Husseinfeld 8:30 Mad About Everything 9:00 Suddenly Sanctions 9:30 Allah McBeal TUESDAY 8:00 Wheel of MisFortune and Terror 8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right 9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things 9:30 Iraq’s Funniest Public Execution Bloopers WEDNESDAY 8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer 8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy 9:00 Just Shoot Me 9:30 Veilwatch THURSDAY 8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi 8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H 9:00 Veronica’s Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses 9:30 My…

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Fall TV Schedule

Thursday’s Schedule for the new Fall Television season: NBC 8:00 Friends 8:30 Girlfriends 9:00 One Guy with Several Female Friends 9:30 My Gay Friends FOX 8:00 Real Humans in Real Pain 8:30 Feral Dingoes Eating Children on Tape 9:00 Jiggle It Beach 9:30 LA Chicks 10:00 Beverly Hills 90210: The 90,210th Episode UPN 8:00 The Unwatchables 8:30 Voyage To The Bottom Of The Ratings 9:00 Theoretically Existing Show 9:30 Praying For Syndication 10:00 The Last Thing You’d Ever Want To…

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Medical, Wedding

THE CURE

Frank has been feeling poorly lately…depressed, stressed, nervous, argumentative. His wife Estelle, who is by now pretty stressed out herself, finally persuades him to make an appointment with their family doctor, to which she accompanies him. After the physical, while Frank is getting dressed again in the examination room, the doctor takes Estelle into his office. “Mrs. Johnson,” says the doctor, “I’m afraid Frank’s stress has affected his heart and blood pressure. I think we have to be prepared to…

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Funny Stories

You know you’ve been online too long when…

Tech Support calls “YOU” for help. When you are reading something printed, you wish you could use a search function to get to the point. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say “LOL.” When you reply to someone verbally, your fingers start typing your response. You check your e-mail over and over, even when you know there’s nothing there. You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on. You have called out someone’s screen name while making…

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Blonde, Wedding, Yo Mama

Harold and Bonnie’s Honeymoon

A sailor and his bride arrived at the honeymoon suite of their hotel. The bride had not ‘gone all the way’ before and was very nervous. Her mother had told her it would be very painful, but that it was her wifely duty. “Just make the best of it, as I’ve always had to,” she said. The young sailor showed her things the bride had never been ‘warned about’ by her mother which the young wife bravely agreed to but…

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Politics

I Can’t Believe They Said That!

Dan Quayle: “potatoe” A Massachusetts politician was accused of attacking and cursing another politician during a local meeting. The first politician was quoted in the local paper, “I did not attack anyone or say a single cuss word, and anyone who says I did is a damn liar.” Bill Clinton in 1992: “I will have the most ethical administration in the nation’s history.” Romanian minister on homosexuality: “We can’t legalize homosexuality. Half of the country will become homosexuals.” Bill Clinton…

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Office

Work vs Prison

In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8’x10′ cubicle. At work you spend most of your time in a 6’x8′ cubicle. In prison you get 3 meals a day. At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. In prison you get time off for good behavior. At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison you can watch TV and play games. At…

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Wedding

Change Positions

A man makes a suggestion to his wife. “Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?” His wife responds with, “Yes, I would really like that! Tonight, you stand by the ironing board, and I’ll lie on the couch and watch TV.”

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Wedding

Dear John,

This soldier had been stationed overseas and was fooling around on his wife. She was back home in the states. She found out about it through some anonymous letters. The soldier gets a package from his wife. He finds inside a batch of homemade cookies and a video tape of his favorite stateside TV shows. He invites a couple of buddies over to watch the tape. They’re all having a great time eating the cookies and watching episodes of “South…

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Man and Woman

whipped guys

Ten Things Whipped Guys Do 10. Asks if there is anything more he can do for her (wihout sarcasm). 9. Goes to the store to get stuff for her and likes it. 8. Leaves fresh towels in the bathroom. 7. Actually listens to her problems and will turn off the tv to do so. 6. Gives a backrub if it looks like her neck is sore. 5. Gives her a backrub if it looks like her neck is sore. 4.…

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