Victoria Jokes

If Men Were to Rewrite

Rule #1: Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days. Rule #2: If you don’t want to dress like Victoria’s Secret Girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys. Rule #3: If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way. Rule #4: It is neither in your…

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Read JokeIf Men Were to Rewrite

More things men will NEVER say…..

1. I think Barry Manilow is one cool motherfucker. 2. No I don’t want another beer. I have to work tomorrow. 3. Her tits are just too big. 4. Sometimes I just want to be held. 5. That chick on “20/20” gives me a woody. 6. Sure! I’d LOVE to wear a condom. 7. We haven’t been to the mall for ages, let’s go shopping and I can hold your purse. 8. Screw Monday Night Football; let’s watch “Ally McBeal”.…

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Read JokeMore things men will NEVER say…..

Top 20 things you will NEVER hear a woman say

1. We both work and you got the check last time. Let me get it. 2. I don’t need another pair of shoes. I have a closet full of them I don’t wear now. 3. Maybe this isn’t the right time time talk about this. Let’s talk later. 4. We always talk about how I feel. How do you feel? If you don’t know, that’s OK. 5. You’re right, I’m wrong. I’m sorry. 6. I’m sorry I made such a…

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Read JokeTop 20 things you will NEVER hear a woman say

My ex-wife’s random thoughts….

Skinny people piss me off! Especially when they say things like, “You know, sometimes I just forget to eat.” Now, I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat. A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn’t give a damn. They keep telling us to get in touch…

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Read JokeMy ex-wife’s random thoughts….

Cold Prevention

Miss Annie was in her eighties and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all…

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Read JokeCold Prevention

Well, Algebra and the Wonderland Are Equally Confusing!

British mathematician Charles Lutwedge Dodgson wrote the children’s stories “Alice in Wonderland” and “Through the Looking-Glass” under the pen-name Lewis Carroll. Queen Victoria was so delighted with “Alice in Wonderland” that she had a letter sent to the author stating that Her Majesty would be graciously pleased to accept any other works by the same pen. She was somewhat disconcerted to receive in due course a copy of “Dodgson’s Syllabus of Plane Algebraical Geometry.”

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Read JokeWell, Algebra and the Wonderland Are Equally Confusing!