Ugly people Jokes

UGLY BABY

A woman was boarding the bus one day and as she was getting her fare the driver exclaims, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman slams her money in the farebox and angrily stomps to her seat. The guy she sits next to asks, “What’s wrong?” The woman says, “The bus driver just insulted me!” “What?!” He’s supposed to be a public servant, and he’s insulting people?” “Yeah, and I should go up there and cuss him out!”…

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ya mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yo mamma — THE LIST YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll…

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Human Nature Laws of Behavior

“The Law of Avoiding Oversell” When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. “The Law of Common Sense” Never accept a drink from a urologist. “The Law of Reality” Never get into fights with ugly people; they have nothing to lose. “The Law of Motivation” Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. “Boob’s Law” You always find something in the last place you look. “Law of Impossibility” Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have…

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Yo mamma — THE LIST

YO MAMMA IS SO FAT ?Yo momma so fat her nickname is “DAMN!” ?Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks. ?Yo momma so fat we’re in her right now ?Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise ?Yo momma so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone ?Yo momma so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors ?Yo mamma so fat you have to roll over twice to get off…

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You live in a small town, if…..

01. You can name everyone with whom you graduated. 02. You know what 4-H is, and WHY. 03. You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn, or in the middle of a dirt road. 04. You used to drag “main.” 05. You said the “F” word and your parents knew, within the hour. 06. You scheduled parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you knew which ones would bust you and which ones wouldn’t — same goes…

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Cards NOT made by Hallmark

Not likely to find these cards at your local Hallmark store…. “Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife.” “How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?” “I’ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I’ve changed my mind.” “I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you.” “Looking back over the years that we’ve been…

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Everybody’s Free (To Embrace the Dark Side of the Force)

This appeared in a local Sunday magazine recently. For those unfamiliar with the Star Wars saga, James Earl Jones was the voice of that great villain Darth Vader. But those Star Wars fans will surely appreciate this fanciful article : Supposedly James Earl Jones is Vassar College’s Commencement speaker for this year. Oddly, this event coincides with the release of the much awaited “Phantom Menace” and the unexpected popularity of Baz Luhrmann’s “Sunscreen Song” (which, if you haven’t had your…

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A Guide to ‘Help Wanted’ Ads

Ever look at the Help Wanted ads and wonder what they REALLY mean? Here is our guide to Job Search Lingo: “Competitive Salary” We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition. “Join our fast-paced company” We have no time to train you. “Casual work atmosphere” We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings. “Some overtime required” Some every night and some every weekend. “Duties will vary”…

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Vacation

A man walked in to Joe’s Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks “What’s up?” The man proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome. “ROME?!” Joe says, “Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You’d be crazy to go to Rome! So how ya getting there?” “We’re taking TWA,” the man replies. “TWA?!” yells Joe. “They’re a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight…

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