Two little kids Jokes

Two little kids in a hospital who were laying next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks “What are you in here for?” The second kid says “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.” The first kid says “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of jello and ice cream. It’s…

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Two little boys, both aged nine, were set to appear in their first play. The first boy had to say, “Ah fair maiden, I’ve come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope.” The second little boy was to say, “Hark, a pistol shot.” On opening night, the two boys were very nervous. It was their first time on stage and their parents were in the front row. The first little boy came out and said, “Ah fair…

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It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says. “That’s cool,” says Bobby. Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie’s…

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1. Take your own sweet time when doing ANYTHING. 2. Pronounce all one syllable words with two. 3. When giving directions, finish with “it’s right down yonder on the left.” 4. Talk REALLY slowly, and ask them to speak slower so you can understand what they’re saying. 5. When they talk about how great it is up north, tell them “Delta’s ready when you are.” 6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or ACC basketball. 7. Refer to every…

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16) Child comes home without glasses claiming to have lost them in a game of “Lord of the Flies.” 15) Your son thinks making hand-puppets requires a paper bag, some waterpaints, and no pants. 14) “OK, kids! Gather ’round the pentagram for sing-a-long time!” 13) Potty training involves a lighter, a clip and rolling papers. 12) First school fund-raiser is for the Salman Rushdie fatwa reward prize. 11) No student has ever jumped from Mary Margaret’s School for the Gender…

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Parents are embarrassing, Take my dad. Every time a friend comes to stay the night, he does something that makes my face go red. Now don’t get me wrong. He is a terrific dad. I love him but sometimes I think he will never grow up. He loves playing practical jokes. This behavior first started one night when Anna came to sleep over. Unknown to me, dad sneaks into my room and puts Doona, our cat, on the spare bed.…

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01. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 02. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. 03. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? 04. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth. 05. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after. 06. Do I look like a fricking people person? 07. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. 08. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 09.…

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