Stay on the line Jokes - page 2

*************************************** IT IS SATURDAY, a crisp Winter’s afternoon, and you’re exactly where you should be: stretched out on the sofa in front of a televised sporting event, opening beer number two, relaxed in the knowledge that the pizza you ordered is even now on its way. Nothing could improve this moment, except maybe a bigger television. Suddenly your wife enters the room and says, “What exactly do you think you’re doing?” Is this a trick question? Yes, it is. The…

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If men got pregnant… – maternity leave would last two years, with full pay. – there would be a cure for stretch marks. – natural childbirth would become obsolete. – morning sickness would rank as the nation’s #1 health problem. – all methods of birth control would be 100% effective. – all children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained. – men would be eager to talk about commitment. – briefcases would be used as diaper bags. –…

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Not-So-Secret Male Handbook 1. Practice grunting 5 times a day. While some may find it acceptable to grunt only before the morning coffee, the true male will only answer in monosyllabic form, except for emergencies, i.e.. when some portion of your body is on fire. 2. Never ask for directions. Ever. Even if you find yourself crossing the state line when all you wanted was to go buy some ammo. 3. Never ever show emotion. No exceptions. Including the emergency…

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