Smirk Jokes

Chicken Analysis

It was autumn, and time for the blonde farmer to go over his books. To his puzzlement, he found that his flock of Rhode Island Reds was twice as profitable, in terms of eggs they produced, as was his flock of White Leghorns. “Look at this, he said to his wife. “I’ve gone over the numbers again and again, and there’s no doubt about it: the Reds are laying twice as many eggs and bringing in twice the money of…

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guessing game

One day during class, the teacher decided to play a guessing game with her students. She said, “I’ll hold something behind my back, give a couple of clues, and whoever guesses what it will win lunch on me.” “Okay,” the teacher said, “the first item is round, red, and has seeds.” Katie raised her hand said, “Is it an apple?” “Sorry Katie it’s not an apple, it’s a tomato, but I like the way your thinking.” “The second object is…

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Life of the Party

While attending a party hosted by his boss, the “Life of the Party” had one drink too many and woke up with a nasty hang-over and no memory of last night’s party. So he asked his wife what happened at the party. “As usual, you’ve made an ass of yourself before your boss,” said his wife with a smirk. “Well, piss on him,” said the man defiantly. “That you did and he fired you on the spot!” said the wife.…

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Shattered Hopes

Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly, leaning forward to receive his “payment.” The girl snapped up the…

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Extramarital Shenanigans

“Say,” said the smooth operator in a confidential tone to the host of the party, “there’s a lot of hot babes at this party. If I find one that’s ready to grab a quick one, would you mind if I used your extra bedroom?” “What about your wife?” “Oh, I won’t be gone that long. She’ll never miss me.” “No, I’m sure she won’t miss you,” smirked the host, “but fifteen minutes ago SHE borrowed the extra bedroom.”

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Residential sales call

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, and a real mean and tough-looking lady opens the door. Before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet, exclaiming, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t do wonders cleaning up that bovine manure, I’ll eat them!.” She turns to him with a smirk on her face and says, “You want ketchup on that?” The…

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The Great American-Canadian Debate

A Canadian is having his petit dejeuner (coffee croissants: bread, butter and jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Canadian ignores the American, who, nevertheless, starts a converstion. American: “You Canada folk eat the whole bread?” Canandian: (In a bad mood): “Of course.” American: (After blowing a huge bubble) “We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell…

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An Obnoxious Dinner Guest

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. He was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: “Is this pig?” Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: “Which end of the fork are you referring to?”

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The Ugly Little Boy

A husband and wife had two beautiful teen-aged daughters. They had been wanting a boy for some time, so they tried one more time for a boy. Well, nine months later, they had a healthy baby boy. The father was so excited he finally got a boy. He rushed to the nursery to see him. When he got there, he was horrified to see a ugly baby boy in there. He went to see his wife and said, “Did you…

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Honeymoon Gambling

A very old couple book a honeymoon suite in a five-star hotel to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. The bell boy, while taking their luggage to the suite, thinks to himself, “At their ages, they are booking a suite. What a waste!” After leaving them in their room with a a very heavy tip, he decides to spy on them. That night he sits in the lobby opposite their room. All night long he hears laughing and clapping sounds from…

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