Sex life Jokes

an old man’s sex life

This old man of eighty years goes to the doctor and says, “You know, doc, when I was twenty and got a hard on I could push on it with both hands and I couldn’t even bend it… When I was thirty and got a hard on I could push on it with both hands and I could just barely bend it…. Now that I’m eighty and occasionally I get hard I can push on it with only one hand…

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Sex Life in your Eighties

An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, ?Oh oh!? The old geezer asked the doctor what the problem was. ?Well,? said the doc, ?you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke?? ?No,? replied the man. ?Do you drink in excess? ?No,? replied the man. ?Do you have a sex life?? ?Yes, of course I do!? exclaimed the man. ?Well,? explained the doc, ?I?m afraid…

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Do’s and Don’t Do’s of University Life.

Matt and Lennie’s Do’s and Don’t Do’s… Of University Life: Do – Ask questions when in doubt. Don’t – Call your professor “P. Daddy Spanks”. Do – Bring books to class. Don’t – Bring your pet Tree Frog “Mittens” to class. Do – Buy second hand books. Don’t – Buy home made books out of the back of Slimmy Jakes truck. Do – Form a study group. Don’t – Let the crazy old guy that lives in the dumpster out…

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Sex at sea

A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying. He took pity on her and said, “Look, you’ve got a lot to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away…

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Give Up Sex

An eighty-year-old man was having an annual physical. As the doctor was listening to his heart with the stethoscope, he began muttering, “Uh oh!” The man asked the doctor what the problem was. “Well, said the doc, “you have a serious heart murmur. Do you smoke? “No,” replied the man. “Do you drink to excess?” “No,” replied the man. “Do you have a sex life?” “As a matter of fact, I do!” “Well, said the doc, “I’m afraid with this…

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Independence Day

Lil’ Johnny’s teacher decided that she’d test her students’ knowledge on holidays. She went through Christmas and Easter and all of those. So far all of them were doing well. The last one left was Independence Day. She figured he couldn’t make that a sick answer. So, she called on him. This is what happened…. “What about Independence Day, Johnny?” asked his teacher. “In-deep-end-dance Day is about celebrating anniversaries of past sex lifes. The term In-deep-end-dance is self-explanatory….”

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All that is….

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway. He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. “Goodness,” says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy. Upon awakening, the little guy says,…

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Four Eyes

One summer, the company Dave worked for transferred him to another city, and Dave was told that he had to take a new physical with the company doctor. All the tests came out fine, but the doctor remarked that Dave had the smallest dick he’d ever seen. “Do you have any difficulties with its being so small?” the doc asked. “Shit, no,” Dave said. “I’ve got a wife, three kids, and a great sex life. But I do sometimes have…

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Ron and Elaine

Ron and Elaine had been married ten years, had no children, and were beginning to drift apart. Elaine told her mother one day that she thought her marriage was in trouble. “For God’s sake, Elaine”, said her mother, “you and Ron have to see a marriage counselor. Ron’s a wonderful guy, and you’ll never find anyone who’d be as good to you as he is.” So Elaine phoned her cousin Harriet, who’d been through marriage troubles herself, to get the…

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